50 Cent Wrote A YA Novel About A Bully Named Butterball And His Lesbian Mom

This is real. This is your real life. Soak it in. Soak it in.

50 Cent penned a YA Novel about a picked-on-kid, turned bully named Butterball. I am not going to lie, that’s a sweet ass name. This isn’t 50’s first foray into writing he’s also co-written his memoir, From Pieces To Weight, a crime novel called Blow and the self-help book, The 50th Law. The book was released last November and we have no idea how we missed this epic, literary event. Today the AV Club posted a rather scathing review of the book. I wasn’t satisfied with that  and did a bit of digging on my own to see how others felt.

The novel has 4.5 Stars out of 23 reviews on Amazon, 3.74/5 Stars out of 381 ratings on Good Reads and 3.5 Stars out of 63 reviews on Google Books. That’s not as bad as I would expect after reading this synopsis:

“After attacking a former friend with a sock full of D batteries, the teenage Butterball begins seeing a therapist to work through his anger issues. Overweight and an outcast at his suburban school, Butterball finds that his violence earns new respect with the cool kids. His father, who still lives in New York, also supports Butterball’s outburst. At a birthday party for his longstanding crush object Nia, the other kids goad him into trying to attack another kid. The plan goes awry when Butterball’s intended victim fights back with his friends. Humiliated and hurt, Butterball begins to question his life choices with his therapist’s help, finally changing his ways and starting to work harder on his passion for making movies.”

Now that is some shit. With books written by celebrities it’s rather difficult to tell if they’ve written them or if they’ve been ghostwritten. You can actually read the first three passages over at Entertainment Weekly. Here is an excerpt:

I reached into my pocket and BAM! I whacked Maurice right across that self-satisfied grin of his, and I pounded those batteries into his teeth over and over untilI felt something come loose. I heard the sounds around me, the gasps and the cheers and the screams, but in that moment there were only two people in the entire universe, and that was me and Maurice. “

With prose like this I am almost certain 50 did write this. I’m not hating either. It takes a lot of time and discipline to write a novel and I am not sure that I could do a better job. I like to imagine 50 Cent, sitting at home in front of his Macbook Pro, wearing a pair of Warby Parkers and sipping hot Vitamin Water out of a tea cup as he searches his mind for the perfect description of a rusty, brown fire hydrant.

50 says in his introduction, ” I’ll be the first to admit that not everything I’ve done in my life has been role-model material. I’ve been on the wrong side of the law. I’ve been in violent situations. I’ve also been a bully. I know how a person gets to be like that. That’s why I wanted to tell this story: to show a kid who has become a bully—how and why that happened and whether or not he can move past it.”

What a big ole teddy bear. I think in all of our hearts we know that rappers are really just giant babies, yearning for the affection and validation denied to them by family and society. But ALAS – aren’t we all?

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