magnifier menu chevron-left chevron-right chevron-down

On Soul Mates and Ex-Bedmates [Dear DBN]


Even the most important people in your life can come and go.  Life changes.  So do people.  This week, should they stay or should they go?

What are your thoughts on soul mates?

You remember when you were 16 and you had that perfect pair of jeans that made your toosh look photoshopped?  They faded, they got too tight and eventually, with great sadness, you donated them.  Someone else might love them.  But that one sweatshirt?  Man, it just gets softer every year.  And maybe one day it’ll rip, or one day you’ll lose it, but you’re gonna love it every day until that happens.

That’s how I feel about soul mates.  Some people are meant to be perfect for the then-and-there.  Some are there forever until they’re gone, and maybe you don’t want another sweatshirt for awhile.  But maybe a t-shirt will come into your life and be just what you never knew you needed, soft and light.

Point being, I believe some people are perfect matches, but people grow and change.  Some of those soul mates will grow and change with you, and some won’t.  That doesn’t make them any less spectacular for the time they fit you like a glove.

Any advice on how to deal with your best friend hooking up with your ex boyfriend? They were both belligerently drunk, but I’m not sure that is still a good excuse. I don’t really know how to approach this situation and I’m incredibly hurt.

THAT BITCH!  Just kidding.  Let’s not worry about how you should approach this situation.  Instead, let’s explore how she addressed the situation.  Did she confess?  Did she apologize?  Did she admit being in the wrong?  Was she open about why it happened?

Your best friend hooked up with your ex.  I’ve been there.  It hurts.  It feels weird and gross and like your relationships with both of them were passing fads.  But it’s their actions post facto that matter the most.  People make enormous, selfish and occasionally drunk mistakes all the time.  It’s how they handle the aftermath that should determine how you all move forward.  Your friend is likely very embarrassed and ashamed.  Give her a chance to be genuinely apologetic, and if she doesn’t, keep your chances to yourself.

CollegeCandy is excited to announce that we’ve partnered up with one of our favorite Tumblrs, DateByNumbers, to bring you some of her very best advice. Each week she’ll tackle your questions. Life, love, sex, the real world…nothing will be off limits. To submit a question of your own, visit her “Ask” page and keep an eye on CollegeCandy every Thursday afternoon!

    I've written for Teen Vogue, Thought Catalog, Leveled Magazine, College Candy, How About We, and have been featured on several HuffPost Live segments. Creator and leader of Bold Moves October featured on xoJane and Neil Gaiman's blog. Both Neil and Jane appreciate boldness. I specialize in pep talks, very long bike rides, and matching my lipstick to my heels.