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Has Texting Improved or Ruined Dating? [Ask A Dude]


Dear Dude,

Do you think texting has ruined or improved dating as we know it?


Did my phone go off?

Dear Did my phone go off?

Your question is direct and simple. The answer is the same answer of all questions relating to technological advances: the technology has advanced faster than our ability to adapt to it.

That’s a cryptic generalized way of saying, yes in many ways and no in some others. I think there’s a lot less pressure to be good on the phone. I think it’s a lot easier to cling to people and try to get an answer out of them. I think it has allowed there to be a whole new realm of flirting and all the blurring of lines that come with it. Texting’s added a few new games of foreplay like sexting. It’s easier to stay in more constant contact with someone you’re away from. You also get more immediacy of response from a text which is way better than waiting for someone to call you back. It’s become that intermediate step, a buffer, between meeting someone and meeting them again. Has it been a new tool to be abused? Absolutely.

Getting blown off by text is a whole new form of feeling vulnerable. You can break up via text, which is way more humiliating than over the phone. You can reject someone via text, which gives some distance for the one rejecting but also can be considered a sign of disrespect to the person being rejected. The text is a new way to dismiss with a backhanded bullsh*t manner of detachment.

Dating is a dance and texting is a brand new routine. You modify some old moves but you’re also creating new ones. The results are mostly the same and based on the same fundamentals, timing and rhythm included. But while the benefits are great, the burns are more severe. The ways it helps, lending a voice to the shy, a buffer for a FWB, a way to inch closer for those falling faster, are also the ways it can hurt, as a tool for dismissal by the cruel, a buffer for those who like to avoid confrontation, and an organizer for those are keeping tracking of a multiple of multiples of partners. In the end, are the pros worth the cons?



The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

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