What’re the Morning After Rules for a FWB? [Ask A Dude]

Hey Dude!

I have a question about proper morning-after protocol. After spending the night with a FWB, how long should I hang out before I hit the road? Sometimes I like to laze about for an extra hour or so, but I’m worried some guys might think I’m too clingy, or that they just want to get rid of me.

Is there a secret rule you guys all have regarding when we should collect our things and go?


Not Sleeping In

Dear Not Sleeping In,

This falls under the “case by case” standard.

Depending on the friend you can stay all day, the morning after. Depending on the friend, you should be gone before he wakes up or vice versa. Some people will take it as clingy if you hang around for anything other than seconds (or thirds). Others are going to think you’re weirded out if you’re not having some cereal while it’s sunny. There’s no definitive right or wrong. There’s just “what pertains to you.” Worse than that, you have the simple fact that the longer the arrangement the more likely the rules will change.

If it’s casual and only happened a few times that’s a completely different set of circumstances than if you’re both hooking up with other people but still enjoy a benefit or two on a semi-regular basis. You may feel more comfortable hanging around with the sun out during the former and less comfortable in the latter. Of course, perhaps the longer the arrangement stands, the less serious it feels to hang out for half a day or an hour after. Again, it comes down to you and him. Set the rules and allow for the rules to change.

We’re back to the golden rule: communication is key! He’s Jerry and you’re Elaine. You’ve decided to do “that” and you need to make ground rules for it. Those guidelines need to include morning after protocol. And yeah, they can change, you can come together and make the consensus decision if one or both of you feels like it. No reason not to. But there have to be some boundaries set and you have to set them together. The more left unsaid, the more potential for a time paradox.

This isn’t a fixed point in time, it’s totally negotiable, but it does mean treating it for what it is: an arrangement that involves multiple people and their needs and their preferences and their assumptions and their neuroses. Don’t make it a biggee but don’t take it for granted.

Use the Force,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

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