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I Figured Out Why My Sex Dreams Are Always Lame [Sexy Time]


It’s very rare that I actually have sexually-themed dreams. I’ve had maybe a handful, and they’ve always been incredibly disappointing. The very first one was about Adam Brody (aka the love of my life), but he was like Adam Brody via a super sleazeball, coked out filter. We hooked up in a disgusting motel room with David Letterman on in the background and I remember his penis was beyond comically tiny (and he didn’t attempt to compensate for it through other methods). I believe that’s the only dream I’ve ever had where at least sex occurred. Every other time, I’d be soooo close to kissing whoever my dream beau was…and then I’d wake up. Rude.

Last week, I had my first vaguely erotic dream in quite awhile. The tension and the chemistry was ridiculous with whoever the guy was…and then my conscience creeped in and reminded me I have a real-life boyfriend and I woke up. Weak. Dream sex is not cheating, brain.

Usually, I don’t analyze my dreams. 99% of the time, they’re beyond inane and boring, but I was so frustrated after this most recent dream that I did a little Googling. Apparently, sex dreams aren’t really about sex. Which makes sense, because dreams are generally allegories for the thoughts and emotions you struggle with when you’re awake. Dreams about sex are about the different aspects of your personality or conflicting emotions merging and interacting with each other. Analyzing my most recent dream through that lens definitely make sense.

While I’m madly in love with my boyfriend, I do occasionally wonder what it would be like to hook up with someone else. I never really got to sow my wild oats before I met him, and sometimes I get a bit of wanderlust. It ebbs and flows, but lately I’ve definitely had more thoughts than usual about what sex with others guys would be like. The abrupt end to my dream would then signify the fact that I’m committed to my boo and would never dream of jeopardizing our relationship just to satisfy my curiosity. I’ve reached this conclusion many times in my waking life, though, so it would’ve been nice if at least dream-me could get some stranger nookie.

The constant theme of hardly any of my sex dreams ever a concrete resolution and analyzing that through a different filter did trigger a new self-realization that whenever there is some sort of turmoil or conflict in my life, I get upset and then I start ignoring it until it eventually goes away. There has never been a time where I’ve actually <i>resolved</i> whatever it was that I was so bothered by, and eventually time just does its thing and makes the issue totally irrelevant. That’s great for my mental health and all, but makes for a pretty monotonous life and apparently an unsatisfied subconscious. However, it’s totally fascinating how sex/non-sex/dream-sex can give you insight into who you are as a person and how you tend to approach other things in your life. Nothing we do exists in a vacuum, and it’s really cool to think of the different ways our choices can manifest themselves and affect the way we perceive and interact with the world.

Or, in other words, if you have a raunchy sex dream about one of your more rancid professors, it means you need to put your big girl panties on and confront something unsavory in your life.

[Lead image via DNF Style/Shutterstock]

    Mariah Carey's closet is what I see when I dream at night. Email me at stilettosandpearlnecklaces [at]!