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On How to Know When He’s Into You [Dear DBN]


If women wanted to eradicate the entire human race, it would be well within our control to do so.  Sit on that until it gives you a power trip and then read on as we tackle how to take control of hopes shattered.  This week, how not to give a damn about people not worth your time. 

This guy made out with me at a party, asked for my number, and never used it.  I’m definitely going to see him around and don’t know what I’m supposed to do when I do.  Help.

Say hi.  Say hi like he’s friends with your little brother. Say hi like it’s your boss’s wife.  Say hi politely and with joy and talk to him like he’s interested in the other sex.  Take control of the situation and wield the power as you see fit.  He might be a jerk who never called, but he also might have DTRed with another girl, lost his phone, wrote your number down wrong, had his dad die, gone to jail, been fired…shit happens with people that doesn’t always entitle us to feel insulted.  All you can ever do is be kind, and if it turns out he never deserved your kindness, then at least you can ride out the day knowing you’re secure and confident enough to not let some bro at a party cut your stride.

Look, there are billions of people in this world, but life is long and you’ll never believe the insane ways that the people you meet and kiss and hate and date will intertwine and overlap.  Nothing in my life has served me more than being as effervescent as I can in every situation I face.  So say hi like it never happened and move on like he doesn’t exist.  There is nothing more alarming to a man than a woman who is kind and couldn’t care less.

How do you know if a guy actually likes you?

You know someone really likes you when you don’t have to justify their actions to your peers – when you’re not wondering what this means and if he’ll call and when you should text back.  You know someone likes you when they treat you with respect, like your time and your opinion matter.  The truth with guys is, if they actually like you, they’ll do pretty much anything to be with you.  Girls are to boys as shiny objects are to raccoons: they need to get their paws on it and no amount of garbage is going to stop them.

If he’s full of maybes, and we’ll see, and let’s meet up after midnight, that boy doesn’t like you; he’s just looking for a fix, a toy, a way to pass the time.  That’s not to say he doesn’t care about you, think you’re cool or wish you the best, but he doesn’t want to be with you.  And isn’t that what this question is really asking?  If at any point you find yourself saying, “He just got out of something serious,” or “He just started a new job and is settling in,” or anything else that reeks of excuses, have your best friend throw a glass of water in your face… and have that friend keep throwing glasses of water in your face until you stop being completely blind to what’s obvious to your gut: he doesn’t want to be with you.

I've written for Teen Vogue, Thought Catalog, Leveled Magazine, College Candy, How About We, and have been featured on several HuffPost Live segments. Creator and leader of Bold Moves October featured on xoJane and Neil Gaiman's blog. Both Neil and Jane appreciate boldness. I specialize in pep talks, very long bike rides, and matching my lipstick to my heels.