The 7 Most Legendary Boners

You guys, it’s track pants and shorts season. Boners are blooming like spring flowers. It can get a little awkward hanging with the boys when the weather gets warm. Just remember, unless the boner is directed at you, it’s not that creepy – it’s hilarious. Although, don’t let anyone make their boner, your problem. Today we present you with the most legendary boners of recent history. (We’re sure there were some pretty good ones in Ancient Greece but there aren’t any selfies of those unfortunately.) Enjoy the bulge. Stare responsibly.

Justin Bieber

That time Justin Bieber instagrammed his bulge to all his “wild beliebers” and his butt too. Someone needs to whack this child star across the head. Where’s this boy’s mama?

Drake‘s Degrassi Boner

That time Drake got a boner whilst playing Jimmy on Degrassi. Jimmy became handicap and lost all movement in his legs after a school shooting. After months of physical therapy, Jimmy wanted to lose his V-card to his girlfriend Ashley but couldn’t get it up. Finally he got a boner when she wasn’t around. He was excited but to his dismay it was a boner anomaly. Jimmy/Drake’s peen just never got back to working shape.

Man gets boner for Sarah Palin

This guy got a boner for Sarah Palin and was A-OK with it. Of course it ended up in the news everywhere and he is probably questioning his unbridled attraction to the former governor of Alaska.

Banana Republic 

That one time Banana Republic’s management lacked oversight and approved this picture of “tailored herringBONER pants.” (I am sure you enjoyed that pun as much as I did.)

Jay-Z‘s boner for Beyonce

Awww, this boner is romantic. Jay-Z got all bulge-y for his boo Beyonce while brunching that one time. This is what I call an “adoraboner.” (Adorable + Boner, in case you weren’t picking up on it.)

Jon Hamm‘s ongoing boner for life

We’ve written many posts about Jon Hamm’s legendary penis. We’ve made galleries and written letters but nothing can compare to what Jon Hamm thinks about his wang. He told Rolling Stone, “They’re called ‘privates’ for a reason. I’m wearing pants, for f–k’s sake. Lay off.” Finally, a man knows what it’s like to have their bodies ogled, scrutinized and drooled over just like, I don’t know, every single, fucking woman on the planet.

American Pie

The opening scene of the first American Pie movie where Jim is trying to masturbate to “illegal cable channels” and his parents walk in to find his boner in sock. This was definitely a game changing boner.

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