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On Not Being Jerked Around By An Unworthy Guy [Dear DBN]


Are you being tooled around?  Listening to guys make false promises left and right?  We all want so badly to be treated like queens that we forget to treat ourselves that way. This week, we take no prisoners, and we take no bullshit.  

What are the signs of being “back burnered”?

Texts with no plans, plans with no forethought.  It’s kind of like talking to your parents… you only talk to them when you’re bored, when it’s on your time, and then, when they text you, you’re often like, “it’s just my mom – I’ll text her later.”  (If you’re nicer than this, and you should be, then your parents love you very, very much.)

When things are going great with a guy, there’s almost nothing to say.  You just smile and giggle when people say his name.  It’s when you’re hyper-analyzing and dissecting of his actions that you should recognize something’s fishy.  The real problem is that we all know when we’re being back burnered – it’s just acquiring the guts to admit and move the hell on.  If he doesn’t like you, he’s not going to.  You’re worth more than that.  We’re all worth more than that.

How do you deal with guys saying you’re amazing etc, but then not wanting to be with you? Yesterday I got dumped by a guy who said I was damn near flawless, but that he didn’t see a future with me. I have a full life and will only get better, I’m not distraught but it does suck.

Then next time someone tells you you’re amazing, let that be all you hear.  Leave the conjunctions in compliment hell where they belong.  Look, I’ll always prefer medium rare steak.  That doesn’t mean lobster isn’t delicious and that someone wouldn’t kill for it…it just means I want medium rare steak.  We always want to be the favored one.  We will always want to be the favored one even when the one across from us isn’t the one we favor.

Pretend you’re a restaurant.  You’re a brand new restaurant on the market.  You want all the five- and four-star reviews you can get.  Just get people singing your praises left and right, spreading the word to their friends, their colleagues, their family about what a classy restaurant you are.  Get all the accolades and the awards and the kudos and the Yelp reviews and the covers of Bon Appetit.  Do everything in your power to make yourself the restaurant you dreamed of…and then eventually, when you’re working hard and loving every minute of it, someone will walk in and say, “This is my favorite restaurant in the world,” and they’re gonna mean it.  Work toward that.

I've written for Teen Vogue, Thought Catalog, Leveled Magazine, College Candy, How About We, and have been featured on several HuffPost Live segments. Creator and leader of Bold Moves October featured on xoJane and Neil Gaiman's blog. Both Neil and Jane appreciate boldness. I specialize in pep talks, very long bike rides, and matching my lipstick to my heels.