Recap: Game of Thrones Season 3, Episode 8 [A Bro’s Thoughts]

We are two episodes form the finale, and ‘Second Sons’ wasn’t as action packed as previous weeks, but some major exposition, some leeches, and a wedding happened. I guess that’s enough to merit a good recap. There were definitely some needless scenes that wasn’t as important as say, the amount of gratuitous nudity they put in this episode, but I guess that’s okay.

In Which Arya Stark Isn’t As Badass As We Thought

The opening sequence of the episode was a follow-up to Arya Stark’s very threatening capture by The Hound, Sandor Clegane. Sure, Arya wakes up and tries to kill him with a huge rock and we’re all like ‘Go Arya!’ but as soon as The Hound opens his mouth, we realize how much in over her head she really is.

She’s barely a teenager, much less be able to take on a dude who murders for a living. So when he tells her straight up that he’s going to break her hands, the whole ‘HOW DO YA LIKE ME NOW!’ scene from Good Will Hunting popped in my head. It was like Arya just got schooled so hard, that we and her realized at the same time that she’s got a helluva lot more to learn. At least he’s attempting to take her back to her family. For money, sure, but it’s something.

In Which Melisandre Is Really Kind Of A Weird BDSM Slut For The Lord of Light

While I understand the need to take Gendry under Stannis Baratheon’s banner so that he can have full control of the King’s bloodline since Joffery is an incest baby, I think that the term ‘overkill’ definitely applies to her form of ‘hostage taking.’ If you just needed to bleed him out with some leeches and then make some kind of faux-prayer while throwing the used leeches into the fire, why did she halfway bone him? I really was lost on that. The build up to the sequence definitely make me think that she was going to cut off Gendry’s member so he couldn’t continue the bloodline.

Instead they could have just thrown him into the cells with Davos Seaworthy and had a confab and forcefully take his blood. I get that there’s some kind of ritual involved with the Lord of Light, but it definitely seemed like Melisandre was just trying to get her halfway there orgasm game going, I guess. It really took away from the conversation Davos and Stannis had in private where Davos was eventually freed talking about the sacrifices of war and all. I mean putting a leech on a dudes nuts really isn’t a sacrifice, you know? If that’s all she was going to do to Gendry, I was like ‘Eh. That’s no biggie.’

In Which Dany Stormborn Might Get A New Dude To Roll Around With

Daenerys has sworn off love/marriage ever since her OTP Drogo died, but this Daario Naharis guy doesn’t seem half bad. I mean he cut off his bros heads and snuck into Dany’s camp while she was bathing to make sure that he got to see her naked. Total bro move, right there. I mean if that doesn’t get him just a little bit of play, I don’t know what will. While Dany’s army keeps getting stronger and stronger now that she has the ‘Second Sons’ assassins, the only thing I wonder with her now is if she knows she’s going the right way to King’s Landing? Or is she just wandering around?

In Which The Lannisters Had One Hot Mess Of A Wedding But It Looked Like A Fun Time

So Sansa Stark & Tyrion Lannister got married this episode, which was eventful more for the gossip and conversations everyone else was having instead of the bride and groom. Which is pretty much the point of every wedding, right? I mean there are so many points to hit, I think I’m going to use an actual list:

1) Joffery is still a super c*nt by embarrassing Tyrion and then threatening to rape Sansa. God this kid needs to die already, right? At least Tyrion threatened to put his d*ck off.
2) Cersei is definitely back in HBIC mode. Did you see how she boss-bitched the Tyrells? Sorry Margaery, but you’re gonna get MURDERED.
3) Momma Tyrell loves bringing the awkward to the party. Her little incest monologue to her grandchildren was not only one of the most entertaining pieces of speech this season, but it was really one of the funnest because the Lannisters just DGAF about bloodline.
4) Surprisingly, neither Littlefinger nor Lord Varys were seen at the wedding. I don’t really understand that, but whatever.
5) Tywin really needs to grab onto reality that his family is another bad sex/incest rumor away from being the Kardasians of Westeros.

However, I think the biggest takeaway from this entire sequence is that Tyrion seems to be the only Lannister with some sort of conscience. I mean, sure he’s letting Sansa Stark keep her honor. While he’s deeming it as his penance of some sort for being ‘The God of Tits & Wine,’ it’s really just because he’s a good person. Probably the only truly good person in King’s Landing at the moment. It’ll be interesting to see how the Sansa + Tyrion relationship plays out, but I’m thinking that once they get past the awkwardness, you’re looking at a power couple. Seriously. They might not ever have a child or have sex, but they’re definitely going to take the steps to screw over some Lannisters.

In Which Samwell Tarly Kills A Monster Somehow Because He Still Wants The MILF

Samwell, Samwell, Samwell. After dragging around Gilly and her kind of ungrateful baby around of so long, practically keeping them alive, you’re finally making head way with the ‘Having Sex Maybe’ plan. I mean, murdering a monster from beyond the wall while protecting her is definitely the best thing to do to make sure you get some. While I understand the point of it is to showcase the weapon that Samwell had, let’s think of how lame Gilly’s gonna be now even though Samwell saved his life. Give the kid a hug or something already!

Anyway, it wasn’t the strongest episode, but enough happened where the build up to the finale should surprise and entertain us. There was no Robb Stark, Jon Snow, or Jamie Lannister this episode (who usually are some of the strongest story lines), but instead of missing them, I think that it was a welcome rest to save some of the fan favorites from burn out. With only two episodes left, how excited are you for the finale? Let me know either in the comments or on Twitter. Check out a preview for next week’s episode below:

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