The Masturbation Diet Will Get You That Killer Bikini Bod and Rosy Just-F*cked Glow (JK)

Fad diets are common in this day and age. One minute, grapefruits are the magical key to weight loss, and the next carbs are the only thing holding you back from abs and the life you’ve always wanted. While these diets are typically ridiculous, this newest one tops the cake. According to this new diet, its not grapefruits or apples or even magic smoothies that you need to get fit. It’s masturbation. And lots of it.

A 28-year-old man in Japan says he lost nine pounds in two months by watching his diet and pleasuring himself three to seven times a day.

Sir… I understand the hatred of working out, nothing but a breakup or the threat of being seen in a bikini in the near future could possibly push me in the direction of the gym. But, seriously you just sit in your house and masturbate all day? You could burn more calories doing something productive, like lets say, looking for a date! At least then you get to actually interact with another human being and see the light of day.

What are you going to say when you finally emerge from your lair and people congratulate you for being so thin and ask what you did to lose the weight? “Oh it was nothing. I’ve just been really ‘active’ lately”?

What are you going to tell your mother?

If working out is that big of an issue then for God’s sake get a Wii Fit!

[Lead image via prodakszyn/Shutterstock]

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