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Just a Friendly Reminder to Stop Faking It


It’s kind of hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that there are still people out there who are faking orgasms. If you are one of them – stop. Please. There is nothing positive to be gained from doing so. Granted, I find the importance of orgasms is overstated, so I am definitely coming from a place of bias, but I have reasoning to support my anti-faking it stance.

First of all, it’s lying. Totally unnecessary lying. If you enjoy yourself and the big O just isn’t going to happen for you for whatever reason, just say that. If your partner doesn’t accept that, offer reassurance – any semi-rational person is going to accept that and move on. You don’t need to propagate the idea that an orgasm needs to occur for an encounter to be complete. If the sex suks and you feign enjoyment, you’re rewarding bad behavior. You don’t have to outline why it sucks, but you don’t need to pretend it was good either. If you hook up with that person again, you can pretty much guarantees repeat of bad sex, and if you don’t, that person is going to think they’re way more killed than they actually are.

Moreover, it’s ridiculously passive and doesn’t really accomplish anything that more assertive methods of communication couldn’t do. Are you faking it because your partner isn’t hitting the right spots? Make sure your partner knows what those spots are. Are you faking it because you’re over it and you want to go to sleep/paint your nails/catch up on tv? Shift the focus to your partner’s orgasm. If they ask you if you came, say something like “I had an awesome time (if you actually did) or “no, it’s just not going to happen, but don’t worry, I’m good” (if you did find the sex lackluster and don’t want to say anything about it at that moment).

Faking an orgasm is just a total waste. If you’re mature enough to have sex with someone, you should be mature enough to avoid being disingenuous. Boosting someone’s ego under false pretenses is not helpful at all, to either your partner or yourself. Don’t be afraid to use your words and communicate. That is a crucial element of having consistently good sex.

Mariah Carey's closet is what I see when I dream at night. Email me at stilettosandpearlnecklaces [at]!