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Why You’ll Never Fall in Love With Who You Think You Will


Everyone has a type. Everyone has patterns when it comes to the people they tend to fall for. Brown hair. Must be “this” tall to ride. A job making more than $30,000 a year. No kids. A TARDIS. Punctual. We’ve got a combination of those traits that end up being our go-to when we go for broke. That’s not a bad thing. In fact, people repeatedly go after that type for years. How many bad boys have broken your heart? How many parental figures have been overcontrolling? How many Type A’s have acid burned your emotional tether? And that’s why most of you won’t end up with someone who fits within your type. Because you’ve already been there and done that and it didn’t work out.

You can make all the plans and weigh all the factors you want. No criminal record. Eats with his mouth closed. Loves kids, hates cats. You can tinker with what you think is correct formula all you like: 5’11” or taller, comes from a two-parent home, and Jewish; but at the end of the day that’s not who you’ll have happily ever after with. Oh, you may date them. For years even. However, the likelihood of that person being who you can call it a day with is slim to none. Why? Because you’ve already tried it!

You fall in love with who you fall in love with. It all matters who you’re open to. It all depends on what you’re coming out of. It all is concerned with the circumstances you’re dealing with. If you’re in a transitional moment then you’ll rebel against what you’ve tried before. You can grow out of being lactose intolerant and you can outgrow your type, too. What worked for you at 16, at 21, and even at 31 doesn’t necessarily work for you at this moment. You learn from relationships gone by. You evolve. You gain some wisdom and hopefully put it into a bit of practice. As you do, the type you clung to no longer has the same appeal. Whether you’re realizing it or not you’re reaching your breakthrough point.

This isn’t a bad thing. You end up with that perfect-for-you person when you’re not thinking about it. Usually when you’re assuming nothing serious can come out of that first date. And that’s why it works! The second you take off the expectations, you relax, you’re comfortable and confident, opening up your emotional doors to someone else. That’s when sparks can ignite. Timing is everything. Letting go of the ego is everything. Leave behind your type, plan, equation, and open up the possibilities for yourself. As soon as you do, you’re going to find someone right for you.

Don’t try. Don’t think. And whatever you do, DON’T BLINK!

Taking the pressure off,

The Dude

[Lead image via Elovich/Shutterstock]

I'm a dude. I know dudes. And I'll share what I know with you. Just ask!