I’ve had some decent luck on OKC thus far. A few cuties in my inbox, better matches, better messages. I think that the less I worry about how perfect my profile is, the more responses I get. This guy, Chandler, messaged me on a sunny Sunday afternoon as I perused through a pile of library books in Chinatown.
“Hey, what’s up. I enjoyed your profile. We should talk and get to know each other better.”
Though he wasn’t the kind of guy that I usually go for aesthetically, his message seemed sincere enough. We talked pleasantly all day until he politely asked me for my phone number. Two days passed and things were going really well. He was such a nice guy! And how many genuinely nice guys have I met lately? None. Things were looking up. If he were to ask me out on a date, I’d definitely say yes.
I was already getting used to his cute “good morning beautiful” texts and the cute way he weaved Spanish into our conversations and the cute way he asked me about my day. You know those really annoying girls who are always smiling down at their iPhones and giggling out loud ? I was one of them for the first half of the week. But – of course – I found a way to mess it all up.
On Wednesday, we said good morning to each other and I asked him what his plans were for the day. Really standard stuff. And then out of the blue, he sent me a picture of himself. No, no…not that kind. It was a selfie. He wore a baseball cap and had his eyebrow cocked. Sadly, I couldn’t help but notice the pimple that he had on his right cheek. It was unwarranted. It was unexpected. And it was weird.
I had so many questions that needed answers: why did he send me a picture of himself? To save to my contacts? Who really does that anymore, though? Did he want me to send a picture back to him? Did he want me to compliment him? Did he think that I had already forgotten what he looked like? I didn’t know how to respond…so I gave myself time to think and hit him back after class.
After I replied (“cute!”), he didn’t text me back. I didn’t hear from him the next day, either. I didn’t understand what I did wrong…but I was mad that he was mad. If he hadn’t sent the pic at all, we’d be okay.
That “send a pic” text, incoming and outgoing, is a relationship landmine. I think that it occurs more for online daters, but it’s still weird across the board. Like, you know what I look like. We took the same Reporting and Writing class. You found my profile. So why can’t you just take the memories, or screenshot like a normal human being? Whenever I’m asked to send a pic, I just send one of the same ones that are on my profile to avoid my internal debate of which image to choose from my camera roll.
I think that I feel pressured to send a picture instead of just saying no like I’d want to do. I mean, the request is innocent enough. It’s not like the guy is outright asking for something inappropriate. I usually cave in because I don’t want to seem like a prude or prompt a disagreement that early on. But I’ve had enough. It’s unnecessary to ask me for my picture if A) you’ve seen me, B) you know me and C) it’s easily accessible. Chandler’s the last guy who will receive the satisfaction of my selfies.
When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.