The third season of Game of Thrones is over. While the general consensus of this season was that it was a tad slower than the previous two is true, as a fan, I remember this season essentially as one half of a whole. The writers/producers of GOT announced at the beginning that the third book of the series, A Storm of Swords, is split in half. The finale of Game of Thrones was more of a halfway point than a true conclusion. We’ve got a lot of questions, a lot of minor things to obsesses over, but no big hook to bring us back next year.
In Which Jon Snow Makes It Back His to Homeboys
You know nothing, Jon Snow. Why would you think burning a Wildling homegirl like Ygritte wouldn’t end in some sort of violence? She shot you three times! I love his commitment to Castle Black, though, riding even after he was passed out to make sure he saw his bros. His reunion with Samwell was probably the most invested/emotional we’ve seen Jon Snow this entire series AND he got laid this season! Either way, Jon Snow’s back with his crew for next season after chilling out beyond the wall and not seeing as half as much as Samwell did. Besides a vagina. Oh well.
In Which Samwell Tarly Had The Most Eventful Episode Ever
After a bunch of brief check-ins all season, Samwell Tarly & Gilly had the most screen time in what was the most crossover-friendly storyline arc ever. First, they meet and talk to Bran Stark & The Reed crew, who, even after Samwell’s warnings, decide to go beyond The Wall and find out WTF is going on with Bran’s mind powers. (Which obviously spells the most bad news ever.) He even got to see Ghost! It was cool to finally see some characters interact with each other besides their individual storylines. Maybe that’ll happen more next season.
After returning to Castle Black and semi-defending Gilly’s honor, he’s back full time as The Night’s Watch secretary, sending a bunch of letters to everywhere ever to make sure Castle Black has enough help to fight off the terror that is coming from The White Walkers. From bad ass to quill bitch in less than 30 seconds, good job Samwell.
In Which The Lannisters Are A Bunch Of Mediocre Messes
As much drama that House Lannister brings to the series, for a finale, ESPECIALLY after an episode off, they’ve just got a bunch of dialogue and no real action and frankly, for maybe the first time, the ENTIRE LANNISTER FAMILY disappointed me. Seriously, nothing too much happened with them. Joffery was the dick he always was, Tyrion keeps showing he has a heart in his defense of Sansa, Cersei stayed a drunk HBIC, and well, Ser Varys dissed Shae to make sure that Tyrion doesn’t lose his power. All in all, it was pretty standard fare for the Lannisters, which was kinda lame. I wanted someone to get back stabbed by the end of the episode, you know?
At least Jamie came back. Didn’t say anything. Totally had a moment with Brienne (SWOON) but pretty much feels sorry for himself cause he doesn’t have a hand. He’ll get it together soon enough and start banging his sister again. (EW.)
In Which The Bolton Family Is Straight Up Heartless
Ser Roose Bolton reveled in the fact that not only has he killed Robb Stark, but revealed that his bastard son, Ramsey Snow, has been the one that’s been torturing Theon Greyjoy this season. While Walder Frey is under the protection of the Lannisters now, the Bolton family have been named the new Lords of the North, something you know that the Starks (those who remain…well, pretty much Arya) will not let go lightly.
Ramsey Snow (or is it Bolton?) has been torturing Theon Greyjoy this entire season, mainly because he’s bored and his dad wanted to give him something to do. I get that it was supposed to be a big kind of ‘gasp’ moment. But no one really cares for Theon, and the Boltons are like C-List at best in terms of royal families, so who really cares? However, Ramsey got a little crazy and is forcefully making Theon forget his name. Reek, as he will now be known as, is kind of creepy, kind of relevant if you’ve read the books, but overall, made me feel like Theon’s entire storyline was pretty worthless this season when just watching it happen.
We did get the looks of Balon Greyjoy & Asha Greyjoy looking at Theon’s severed penis before Asha decided to go to war and get her brother back. I guess that’ll be cool to watch next season.
In Which Arya Stark Gets GULLY WORLDSTAR OMG ASSASSIN DEATH NOTICE 2k13
After realizing that her mother and brother are dead, Arya Stark’s got some pent up emotion. In the simplest terms, she thinks that she’s the only Stark left alive, and pretty much has to murder everyone every that maybe will disrespect her family name. As we saw towards the end of the episode, she’s got a great companion with Sandor Clegane (The Hound), who will make sure she can kill whoever she wants, as long as she lets him know in advance. Hopefully this will develop into Arya just murdering people all the time now, because, well, that would probably be the only Season 4 storyline teased this episode that I would be interested in.
In Which Davos Seaworth Lets Us Know What True Loyalty Was
Sidenote: It took Davos Seaworth like two weeks to get a pretty baller reading vocabulary after not knowing ANYTHING. That dude’s got a brain and a half on him. But his brain almost got him killed this episode by freeing Gendry from a sacrifice by Melisandre, and then letting Stannis Barthareon know that a true king would make sure he went to Castle Black and helping The Night’s Watch defend the entire realm from The White Walkers. It all was a little melodramatic and over the top, but that’s pretty much what happens in Game of Thrones, right? I guess it’ll be interesting to see Stannis & Melisandre interact with The Night’s Watch. Maybe Castle Black will just murder them instead. One can hope, right?
In Which Dany Stormborn Became A Mother To A Bunch of People Instead of Dragons, Which Was Lame
I’m really sorry to say this, but as a final sequence of a season, Daenerys’ ‘Mother Theresa’ act towards the freed people of Yunkai was pretty much the lamest thing ever. I mean, crowd surfing? Really? That’s it? Ugh, Kill me. Go takeover another city, please.
Like I said, this finale was pretty lame only because it was more of a bookmark than a full stop. There are no resolutions because this is only one half of the Game of Thrones/A Storm of Swords sandwich. I guess the real question left is: Is the first half better than the second half? From what I know of the books, season 4 will start off with a bang and then maybe fall to the semi-lull that this episode was, and that’s okay with me since I know what’s coming and when to watch. For fans who have never read the books, I highly recommend you catch up quick.
Anyway, I’ve got the next month off or so before I start recapping The Newsroom. If you feel the same way about being let down with the season finale of Game of Thrones, feel free to let me know on Twitter or in the comments. See you guys July 15!