Okay, I’m not exactly sure if there is a proper way to ask this so I’m just going to go for it. I’m dating this guy who I really like and am very comfortable with my body in front of. We have had sex a couple times already and it was that sweet, loving kind of sex. Don’t get me wrong, it was wonderful, but I was wondering what the best way is to see if your boyfriend would consider being a little naughtier in the sheets (ex: dirty talking?) without looking like a total sl00t? How do I see if he’s interested in bringing out my inner sex kitten? Thanks!
Dear Jessica Rabbit,
The short answer is that you CAN’T let him know you want to be a bit naughtier without looking like a total sl00t. The upside? That’s exactly what you SHOULD do to let him know he can push the threshold.
For the first go-round you have to take a bit of control. Instruct. Tell. Get him to listen and follow a bit of direction. Give permission and encouragement. Instigate and initiate. Once he gets the idea its okay to unleash the Kracken then he’ll feel more comfortable taking over and bringing in his own ideas.
All men have fantasies. We have coital curiosities that we’d like to satisfy. But some guys are too timid to try. They just assume that they shouldn’t or can’t. Guys that are too shy for some light spanking even! Or some dirty talk. Get some guts, man! Anyway, I’m digressing.
As you point out, there’s nothing wrong with gentle and caring lovemaking. But sometimes it’s more fun to F*CK. Goodbye mattress, hello kitchen counter! Adios pillows, bienvenidos swing. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to cut loose in the bedroom and damn if every relationship doesn’t need a bit. Think Amy Pond and Rory aboard the space liner in “A Christmas Carol.” A little Roman Centurian mixed with a naughty copper? Yes, please!
Springing something on him isn’t always the best tactic. I mean, sticking a finger somewhere he’s not prepared for it can only end in tears…among other things. When in the act make sure to introduce some basic teasing, the goal is to add a playfulness to the horizontal (or diagonal, if flexible enough) proceedings. Maybe put a bit of dirty talk of your own to start. Bring in a toy that you’d love to try with him and see what if that’s too bold or just might be the silver bullet you’re looking for. Hell, maybe watch some porn together and see if you both can’t find something together that looks like its worth, exploring.
The biggest part is for him to feel comfortable expressing and indulging in his fantasies. Start with one of yours. Get him to open up about some of his own and encourage from there. Take it at the best pace for BOTH of you and have some fun. It’s all meant to be fun, first and foremost. Because if there’s one thing f*cking should be, it’s pleasurable.
“Keeping the British end up, sir,”
Bond, Dude Bond
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]