On Investing In Yourself…and a Vibrator [Dear DBN]

Dark alleys, too good to be true deals, promises of stardom… In life, we’re quick to sniff out what smells like bullshit, but it’s harder to do so in love.  This week, how to tell when you’re getting scammed and when you’re asking for trouble.

I have been in a relationship for 3 years, and I feel like we are at a crossroads where we need to re-evaluate our future and decide whether we want to move forward or not. Two problems: He does not want to get married right now. He has also said that he is not sure about being with me permanently in the future, even though he definitely wants to be with me right now. He asked me to give him a year to come around. But really, if he doesn’t know by now will a year make a difference? 

No.  In a year, your relationship will be where it is now, but more tenuous, because you will be counting the days to commitment and he will be counting the days to the freedom. He may love you, but he’s biding his time to see what else life may bring along.  If he is not stunned with gratitude that life brought you, then he doesn’t deserve you. The only difference a year will make is that you will be one more year away from true happiness.

Trust me – if he was meant to come around in a year, he’ll come around in a month if you end it.  You don’t lease out love – you either buy it or you don’t want it.  Time to sell, ladybug.  Sell the baggage, invest in yourself and upgrade your life.

What are your thoughts on “friends with benefits”….or rather….hooking up with friends [sober, and more than once]?

Get a vibrator.  Even when “friends with benefits” doesn’t end in crushing heartache for one of the parties, it almost always frays the friendship and creates weird tensions at the bar, at the party, at the office, what have you.  It’s sort of like an unauthorized sledding hill: is it going to be fun? Oh yeah. Will you probably end up OK?  Sure.  But is there a chance you’ll pick up too much speed, lose control, and go barreling into a ravine you couldn’t see from the top?  You bet there is.

Everyone wants to go to Poundtown. I wish I lived there. But the rent is high and even with a ring-on-it, you never truly own property there.  It’s a disease ridden city where 90% of the residents are painfully awkward and secretive…and even if you don’t love where you’re living, I can guarantee you’ll get pretty defensive when some stranger just randomly moves in with you. What I’m saying is Friends With Benefits is like crashing on a friend’s couch: sometimes you just need a place to say, but stay too long and things get complicated for both parties.

CollegeCandy is excited to announce that we’ve partnered up with one of our favorite Tumblrs, DateByNumbers, to bring you some of her very best advice. Each week she’ll tackle your questions. Life, love, sex, the real world…nothing will be off limits. To submit a question of your own, visit her “Ask” page and keep an eye on CollegeCandy every Thursday afternoon!

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