magnifier menu chevron-left chevron-right chevron-up comment chevron-up chat_bubble_outline2 share thumbs-up thumbs-down chevron-down

The Dos and Don’ts of Setting up Your Friends


As females, our relationships with each other are stronger when we are at the same point in our lives as our friends. If you are single, you bond with your single friends. When you get in a relationship, you start to drift towards your friends who are also in relationships. It’s a fact of life. You are just in a different mindset when you’re in a relationship. Blackout nights out don’t sound as good to you when you could stay inside and cuddle up with your boyfriend without having to put on real pants or squeeze into your club dress. But, you can’t just stop hanging out with the people that held your hair back when you were in your raging phase. No, you don’t want to ditch your single friends. You want to set them up.

Now, setting up your friends can go one of two ways. Either your friend and whoever you set them up with will hit it off and realize that they can’t go on without each other and you will get major friendship points that you can use at your disposal and hold over their heads forever (muahaha) or it will go terribly and they won’t be able to stand each other and in turn will be angry with you. Here are some dos and don’ts to make sure your set up goes as smoothly as possible.

DO: Set your friend up with someone you would actually date. If you wouldn’t date Sleezy McGee why pawn him off on your friend? If he wasn’t good enough for you, he’s probably not good enough for her. Put yourself in her position. Ask yourself if you would want to be set up with this person. If the answer is a resounding “NO,” then keep looking.

DON’T: Set your friend up with your boyfriend’s best friend. We’ve all done this or had it done to us. You are in a relationship and your best friend complains that you don’t spend time with her anymore. Well, your boyfriend has friends doesn’t he? Why not just set her up with one of them right? Wrong. I know there are probably some people out there who are happily dating their best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend, but it doesn’t usually turn out that way. I mean even the name is complicated, of course the relationship is going to be.

I’ve been a part of those twisted relationships and eventually it always feels like you’re all dating each other. When everyone is happy, its all good. But, when one couple is in a fight, the other has to make it better. All your dates become double dates. If you get tired of your boyfriend, oh well, you have to stay with him because you’re no longer just dating him, you’re all of sudden in some weird four-way incestuous friend/relationship type thing. Everyone knows everything about everyone. Personally, I’m cool with just dating one person, but I mean, whatever floats your boat.

Do: Keep your friend’s interests in mind. You know what your friend likes. If she has a thing for scruffy guys who look a bit homeless, like I do, don’t judge her. Just set her up with a guy who fits that mold. This is not the time to try to force your friend to be with someone you wish she’d be with but know she won’t actually like.

DON’T: Set your friend up based on race. This should go without saying, but as the token black friend I know it needs to be said. I can’t tell you how many times a friend will tell me that they have the perfect guy for me, only to go out with him and painstakingly realize that literally the only thing we have in common is our skin color. People are more than their race. Don’t just set me up with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, based on their melanin levels. Go deeper than that.

DO: Throw a Party. Blind dates are awkward. Parties aren’t. Throw a little party and invite a couple of your friend’s potential suitors. That way she can pick which one she likes without feeling like you forced them together

DON’T: Set your friend up with your ex. Or anyone you’ve ever hooked up with. Seriously. Do you even like your friend? You must not if you set her up with your exes. You may think you don’t care, but you do.  It won’t take long before your friend and your ex holding hands and making goo goo eyes at each other drives you crazy. If you want your friendship to last, leave exes out of the mix.

If you follow these simple Do’s and Don’ts, setting your friend up shouldn’t be that hard. You’ll be double dating in no time.