Why’d He Disappear? [Ask A Dude]

Hey Dude,

I am in a bit of a situation, one which I have no idea how to handle!

Basically, I went out with a guy from Uni on a couple of dates. We got along really well and would text and chat heaps. He told me he liked me, and started to casually mention things like “we should go to….” (things that were a few months away as well!). He was very protective of me, holding my hand, placing his hand on my back, giving me his jacket etc, but nothing more happened.

After a couple of dates, he went home to visit his family for a week, and I haven’t heard from him since. I flicked him a message just touching base and seeing how everything is – as I would do with anyone. It was marked as read, and he didn’t reply. I haven’t seen him since. He hasn’t turned up to our lectures and it feels like he has just dropped off the face of the earth!

It’s now been like a month since I have heard from him. Should I do anything at all? Or just leave it be? I am just so confused by this whole situation! Who does that!?

Any help at all would be awesome!


Confused and Annoyed

Dear Confused and Annoyed,

There are a few things I need to ask if we’re going to narrow down the possible motivations as to why one person might disappear and break all contact from another:

Did he ever walk through walls?

Did you ever actually see someone else touch him or acknowledge his presence?

Did he have a special cloak that he randomly wore?

Did you notice any rips in the space-time continuum when he was around?

Is he a golem?

Have you ever been the queen of anything? Queen of the lanes, perhaps?

If your answer to all of these questions is “no” then we conclude that he is not a ghost, a hallucination, a time lord, time anomaly, and eliminated creatures from at least 12 fables, if not most of Western literature. Which leaves us with only a couple of possibilities:

He’s an asshat that was leading you on and deciding to stop leading, settling for dropping.

He’s been kidnapped.

He locked himself in the bathroom and died and no one from his family’s discovered his body yet.

Something happened at home and now he can’t come back to school, plus is too consumed with whatever he’s dealing with to keep in touch.

Feel better? Some plausible answers, some irrational ones, too. Now lets get down to the chameleon circuitry that should never be fixed: you may never find out. You just have to deal with the fact that it probably has nothing to do with you and even if it did there’s nothing you CAN do that’s going to “fix” this situation. You’re feeling a bit abandoned, betrayed maybe, and I know it’s a blow. But if you fixate then you’re f*cked on this one. I would try accepting that you’ll never get an answer that’ll satisfy you. Tough to do but necessary to move past this. That’s the best thing that can happen, deciding that you’re not going to get the clear-cut closure you’re desiring. Be comforted that you haven’t gotten hurt worse out of this. You’ll have your opportunities. You just are going to give yourself permission to be left with a question this time. Happens to almost everybody at one point. And who knows, just maybe you’ll get that answer one day but don’t rely on it. Give yourself the closure you need.

Think of me fondly,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

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