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Stalking Men Through Binoculars, Poetry Writing and Falling in Love: Just Another Episode of The Bachelorette


Des broke some rules this week… Some big rules. And while I continue to not totally trust her judgment or her poetry writing abilities,  she continues to surprise me. Never more so than this episode.

First of all, I have no idea why there were three girls from Sean’s season sitting around, giving Des advice about her five remaining men. The ladies were literally staring at the men through binoculars. I was unsettled by all of this — The ladies discussing which one has the biggest package and who is going to be the best LOVER (first of all, lover, really)? Un. Settled.

Second of all, we find ourselves in a gorgeous island of Madeira, and Drew said something along the lines of: “If you can’t fall in love here, check your heart because you’re not alive.” I am sick of this dialogue. Like… I’m sorry dude, location doesn’t matter. Or, location shouldn’t matter. If you’re actually going to fall in love with someone, it could be on this island or it could be in an apple orchard in NH, or a bus in Chicago, or a farm in Idaho. You know, whatever your thing is.

Now, on to the dates.

Brooks and Des have a pretty wonderful date, floating above the clouds. The one thing about this franchise is they never miss a chance to compare a date to an over-arching relationship scheme. In this case, it was clouds, floating on clouds, breaking through clouds (aka breaking through their relationship… get it??). But this date worked, and I like Brooks. But here we get Des’ first rule breakage– she basically told Brooks that she’s very close to falling in love with him. Anyone else notice that she said she was running into a sprint and he was just jogging? I smell trouble for the insecure Des.

Des and Chris go on a yacht, and find the most beautiful picnic setting I’ve ever seen, and then they write a poem together. I just… I just can’t. Do people do this? Would their real, actual life be like this only instead of a yacht there’s maybe a couple bikes and instead of a private beach in Medira it’s their back yard? Still writing poetry and hanging it up in frames on their walls? Seriously, is this real life? He literally is telling her he loves her in a poem. It’s not even a good poem and she’s crying. It doesn’t take much to get this girl going.

Des and Michael explore the city and eat strange foods, blah, blah, blah.

Zak W. and Drew have a 2 on 1 date, and they are such different people. It really is remarkable when you get down to the final 5 or so to see the different people she has kept thus far. I love seeing what other people find attractive. I couldn’t be less attracted to Drew, and I am very seriously in love with Zak W (you’ve got a girlfriend in me when you get kicked off). But Des finds Drew to be the most attractive man she’s ever seen… in her life.  And so does all of Twitter. I personally don’t trust someone who can’t grow facial hair… But I digress.

And then, Des breaks the biggest rule of all.  Past contestants have never said anything when someone tells them they love them. Because it’s rude to respond until the end, until you know for SURE. You shouldn’t tell more than one person that you’re in love with them, or lead those feelings on any further… Period. But Des plays fast and loose with Drew and with Brooks today. She actually told Chris Harrison she’s in love with Brooks… While there are 4 other men left. This is not okay, girl.

I’m starting to understand a little more why on the previews for the rest of the season, all the boys end up crying in a limo– this girl is a heart breaker and, I think, a little mean.

And one final note, Michael gets sent home and calls his mommy crying in the limo. I have no comment.

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