Last night my boyfriend told me he doesn’t enjoy me being on top, or in his words: “You suck at being on top”. Well needless to say I wasn’t surprised because I already knew and don’t like being on top either. I laughed it off and made a joke only being slightly embarrassed and we left it alone. Well this morning I’ve awoken and can’t stop thinking about the fact that he told me that. I’m uncomfortable in my skin and can’t imagine seeing him again, let alone sex with him again. But my question though is, how likely is it that he’s already told his guy friends this? He hangs out with them every Wednesday and usually tries to make me come along but I often refuse. I can’t help but think of the conversations he may have held while I’m not there.
Dear Bottomed girl,
Is he talking about the sex with his friends even if it’s well…less than exceptional? In the words of a great man, “YES! YES! YES!” We share details. There are no gentlemen anymore? Well, there are but even gentlemen have guys that they can talk the dirty details with. Especially if they’re either really good deets or really bad deets. And bet your Dexter coasters (has anyone else seen how freaking awesome those are?) that he’s already shared the intimates of this most embarrassing encounter. Especially if y’all are kaput.
Guys gossip like any other group. Get enough of us together and we need to compare and contrast. How else do you think he learned about “the butterfly”? Or got tips for sex in the shower? That’s what we do! We share the wealth, in this case the wealth of knowledge gained by experience, some in the vein of Fifty Shades of Grey and some more like American Pie (although usually baked goods aren’t the preferred food for fun sex). And why wouldn’t he? Wouldn’t you? Are you going to tell all your pals about the dickwad who made you feel uncomfortable because neither liked it when you cowgirling?
Guys f*ck and tell. Everybody f*cks and tells someone about it. We want to. It’s awesome to talk about. It can be helpful or cathartic or prideful. It can be a form of bonding or a way to learn. Now, does it matter that he’s talking? Depends.
The big question becomes: do you give a damn what his guy friends think? Will them knowing in any way make a dent in your social calendar? Will them knowing in any way change whether you like being on top? Will them knowing in some way make every guy you could ever want to bone or date not want to bone or date you? The answer, most likely, to all of those questions is, in the words of the same great man, “NO! NO! NO!” In general, the more you importance and focus you put on it then the more it generates. Don’t give it more thought than this deserves, which is none. You can’t control what he says or who he talks to. You don’t need to. You focus on doing what’s right for you, which is to move on with your dating life.
Hmm…your situation has potential for some future installments…stay tuned all you bottomed girls out there.
“You make the rocking world go ‘round!”
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]