Sexual, performance, anxiety…three words that stand on their own, but when combined they create a label for something that afflicts almost every man, no matter how experienced in the horizontal (or vertical…or diagonal if you’re really adventurous) matters of the mating ritual. All guys get it at some point. The first question we have to ask ourselves is: Is it physical or mental?
If he’s under 30 and without any history of prostate problems or diseases including the likes of juvenile diabetes, it’s probably mental. As Rodney Dangerfield used to say, “it’s all in our heads, just not in the right one.” At least I think he said something like that, I don’t know, my grandfather used to say it and he sort of looked like Rodney Dangerfield (might help explain his 2 divorces). However, just because every guy is going to go through a bout of SPA at some point, SPA need not be a sexual death sentence!
Guys suffer sexual performance anxiety for multitudes of reasons but they all come down to one common denominator of a muthafucka: fear. We’re scared of failing. We’re scared of cumming too soon. We’re scared of you not reaching your peak. We’re scared we won’t get hard enough. We’re scared we won’t get hard at all. We’re scared you’ll suddenly think we suck at sex. We’re scared we’re going to have problems and like The Secret-BAM-we create our problems.
Causes can vary but if you’re invested in your lover then you can be the most important part of his treatment…
Dirty talk. I mean, dirty talk. Get him out of his head and into you and what you want to do. Guys suffering from a lack of confidence need to feel desired. We need a boost, so sue us. Dirty talk can be a fun way to encourage him on, to keep him focused on the fun you’re having and not letting himself get distracted over whatever outside of the bedroom is causing his SPA.
Let him know there’s more to sex than just penetration. Guys get hung up on needing to stick their dicks into something. A lot of times we forget that there’s more to sex than just the strictest biblical definition of intercourse. Remind him. Lead him. There’s all kinds of ways that he can pleasure you without needing to have a hard-on for half an hour, he just keeps thinking that they’re not good enough. Show him the error of his ways.
Foreplay. Don’t let him give up at the first signs that his mechanics aren’t working the way he wants them to. Be patient. Be generous. Give it some time and work with him. Utilize the above tips as part of this approach. Don’t abandon his flaccidity. Sometimes it takes time to get his head in the game.
Set the mood. Seduction’s not a bad tact to take. Like dirty talk it’ll help him feel desired and eliminate all other distractions. Get his focus on you. Get his focus on pleasure. Roleplay, lighting, some booze, whatever you think might get him to RELAX. The less tense we are, the harder we get.
Tell him it’s okay. When he can’t overcome his SPA and remains a Mister Softee, he’s going to feel like the smallest kernel of corn in a steaming pile. Let him know that it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with him or that he’s less. Even if you’re a bit disappointed. Just pivot to foreplay to show he can still please you or cuddle or give him some space. Depending on the guy and the circumstances one of those three yellow brick roads would be the right one to follow.
So there you have it, Ladies. Just because, on occasion or for a little period of time you’re boy might have trouble performing his boytoy duties, doesn’t mean he’s permanently screwed up. A little patience. A little understanding. Use some of the approaches I’ve laid out for y’all and just maybe you’ll help him get the blood flowing in the right direction again.
“Keeping the British end up,”
Bond, Dude Bond
[Lead image via Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock]