Politics and the Porn Star, As Told by Tinder [Diary of the Undateable]

Since D.C. is so small, you’re always bound to run into someone you know – at happy hour, on the Metro and now – unfortunately – on online dating sites. A few months ago, my friend Lenia told me about Tinder after she read about it in the Washington City Paper. It was an app solely for #teamiPhone, she explained, and it was essentially a “hot or not” rating sitch for guys and girls near us in the DMV (D.C., Maryland and Virginia) area. It sounded so shallow…but boredom and buzz sparked my curiosity, so I downloaded it.

She was right…the main premise of Tinder was definitely physical attraction. I learned that you had to be mutually matched with someone else in order to talk to him or her. Thankfully, it took away the process of sifting through unappealing profiles and receiving messages from creeps with foot fetishes. So I kept Tinder and used it to kill time on the Metro and between classes, swiping right for the hots and left for my nots.

I noticed that the Tinder bug had bitten a few guys from my school as well. I didn’t think much of it ‘til I was matched with someone who I actually knew…the cute one-time student body president aspirant who flirted with me in March.

“Hey you…” he wrote. Even his Tinder talk was carefully calculated. Everyone always talked about how sweet and smart he is, and I honestly felt lucky to be matched with him. But I couldn’t help but think about my friend Tranessa’s warning from before. “Never trust a politician,” she told me. “Stay AWAY.” Hmph. I couldn’t wait to prove her wrong.

We spent the whole weekend getting to know each other on and off. Well actually, it was more of me getting to know him. I asked most of the questions – what do you like to do in your free time? What are your hobbies? What are you doing after Howard? – and he gave me all these short, one-lined answers and didn’t really ask me anything back. Pretty unimpressive for a guy who’s known for his spoken word performances and poetry. And in retrospect, that should’ve been the first red flag…but I gave him the benefit of a doubt. He might have felt weird with his first foray into online dating. It’s natural to be guarded at first. He finally started to open up after a few more messages.

“I’m just an artist,” he said when I asked him about his interests. “I don’t like to limit or label myself too much. But I write, perform and paint.”

That’s respectable, I thought. I love creatives.

“Lol I also do porn. So there goes respectability.”

Wait. Wait. WAIT. Was this coming from Mr. Clean Cut, Charming and Creative Cutie? The one who seemed to care so much about the state of HU? Who headed up numerous protests in front of the A Building? Who had this innocent, mile-wide smile that was plastered on posters all around campus a few months ago? I couldn’t imagine him, this seemingly reputable guy, going at it on camera for the entire world to see.

“I think the way we have sex is political,” he explained after I – duh – asked him why. “Most people just aren’t conscious about it.”

Umm. Okay. He told me that he’d love to elaborate on his POV sometime this summer, so we exchanged numbers. And of course, it didn’t happen – he didn’t hit me up after I invited him out for drinks on U Street, and I found out that he has a girlfriend.

Even though this happened at the beginning of the summer, it’s still bugging me. I don’t know if it’s the fact that he turned out to be yet another douchebag who openly cheats (why do you need Tinder if you’re in a relationship?!) or that his online persona didn’t match what I imagined him to be. Sigh.

I deactivated my Tinder a few weeks ago as well as my OKC profile. I’m sure that I’ll be back on in a few weeks, as usual…but honestly, I’m so sick of the games…online and off.

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

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