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6 Things You Should Text Me Instead of a Dick Pic


When I walked across the stage and accepted my high school diploma I breathed a sigh of relief because I just knew that that piece of paper meant the end of dick pics forever. Surely no adults were out there assaulting phones with gems of their genitalia. I was wrong kiddies, oh-so wrong. The dick pics didn’t slow down as I got older, if anything they increased and I would just like to know why!

Who is out here teaching young men that shots of their man bits are desirable? Is there some kind of class men take on sealing the deal? If so, the chapter on text etiquette needs to be revisited. I don’t know of a single female who opens a text, sees a peen and screams “Great! A picture of a penis. Just what I’ve always wanted!” There are about 1,000 things I’d rather have come through my phone than a picture of your Johnson. For you guys out there who are asking yourselves what you could possibly text now that your go to is off the table here are 6 things I’d rather see light up my phone than a penis on any given day.

1. WORDS: Who woulda thunk? I actually like to receive engaging conversation. Strange
2. A picture of your grandma: Grannys are cute. Send a picture of yours on over.
3. Pictures of puppies in human clothes: Cause duh
4. A good morning text: Because those make me feel all warm inside
5. A groupon for a wine tasting: I’m cheap and wine is acceptable to drink in public
6. A blank text: Anything is better than a dick pic.

So the take away message here, gentlemen, is if I don’t ask for it (which I probably won’t) then best keep it in your pants.

[Lead image via luca amedei /Shutterstock]