Is He Serious About Leaving His GF For Me? [Ask A Dude]


Well I have this issue with a ‘friend’ of mine. I met him at Uni and I instantly fancied him. Long story short, he had a girlfriend so nothing came of it, as I became good friends with his girlfriend.

However, recently he became really touchy-feely, hes openly flirty with me. One of my friends said wow its like you’re a couple when you’re with him. He came to watch one of my dance shows and everything. Hes been sending me quite intimate Snapchats and I don’t know if he’s just using me because his girlfriend is away or not?

Or does he actually like me?


Dear Help,

Does he fancy you or is he using you as a placebo while his bird’s away for a little bit? The signals are a little unclear, like the Bat signal shining a question mark into your bedroom in the middle of the night (R.I.P. Renee Montoya). You’re in a situation where you can help home wreck if things get sexy and look like a complete ass if things get sticky.

On the one hand you like the bloke. On this hand it’s beginning to look a lot like he might like you, too. Which is exactly what you want. Except, like most opportunities that we get, the circumstances aren’t ideal. He’s taken. Technically. He’s got a Girl Friday to contend with. So, one question to ask yourself is: Where does she fit in your ethical spectrum? If you have the chance to jump his bones, would you take it despite the fact this cock’s got another hen? Risky would be an understatement, insensitive and selfish would be a kind way of saying it, and home wrecker would be throwback way of saying you’re a no good cheat and kharma is going to get you in the end. But this raises ANOTHER quandary: How far in the wrong are you when he’s the one technically cheating?

I’ve known people to use the argument, “It’s his relationship and his choice. She’s not my girlfriend and I’m not the one initiating it, so why shouldn’t I?” Not completely unfair but not exactly a slogan for female solidarity or, you know, human decency. And yet there’s a twisted logic that, while it might come off as rationalizing hurting another person, the blame is put a bit more on the shoulders where it belongs: Him.

One thing to keep in mind is that he’s the party complicating the all of the circumstances. He’s the one in a relationship flirting with someone else. He’s the one escalating it. In doing so he’s the person who takes first responsibility for cocking the whole thing up for you, him, and his girlfriend. But you’re not powerless in this situation and not without your own culpability.

All guys find themselves attracted to girls who aren’t their girlfriend at some point, if not every day. 99% of the time it’s harmless. They see someone in passing and think, “DAAAAAAAAAAAMN!” The end. Other times you might be in a position where you’re going to interact with this other woman once or twice. Could be in class, as part of a club, acting in a play together-whatever. Still, probably harmless so long as things are going well at home. Just because we’re horny dogs doesn’t mean we have to hump everything in sight. Most of us. I’m being optimistic today. So what kind of guy is this who’s willing to escalate it?

It’s a bit tough for me to believe he doesn’t know you’re into him. It’s a bit tough for me to believe that isn’t factoring into his flirting. You have to start by deciding one thing: if given the chance, to shag or not to shag?

Depending on what you think your answer is (because we’ll never be 100% sure until we’re presented with the chance), you can look at what he’s doing with a bit of a different perspective. If you’re willing to saddle up despite another woman currently being tethered to his proverbial penis then you accept full on the possibility that this could all blow the f*ck up in your face. You could be entering into drama and you’re going to be the bad guy. Period. You’ll be putting yourself in a place where you can be taken advantage of. If you think he’s trustworthy then it might turn out okay. If he’s of good character to stand by someone he cares about then it’s all good. But would a guy who’s willing to go behind his bird’s back and cheat really fit the bill for “trustworthy” and “supportive”?

On the other hand, if you can’t be confident that he’s just filling the time until “honey” comes home then avoid the probably mess. You don’t want this headache. If a situation comes about where you’re tempted and he’s more than willing then you’ve got to draw a little boundary and say, “if you want me now, you’ll want me a week from now when you break up with Brand X.” And if you think that he’d think that’s unreasonable, then sister, he ain’t worth the time you’ve spent pining.

“Where does he get those wonderful toys?”

The Dude

My Boyfriend Wanted To Have A Threesome With A Guy But He Said “No Asians”
My Boyfriend Wanted To Have A Threesome With A Guy But He Said “No Asians”
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