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Is He Signaling I Should Ask Him Out? [Ask A Dude]


Hey Dude,

Going off of your recent post this week, there’s this guy in two of my classes whom I often talk to as we’re entering or leaving the lecture hall. He seems like a really nice guy–last week, he sent me a really nice email (more of an essay, really) after I achieved a whopping C- on a paper. He’s always the first to get notes for me when I’m sick and he has this great half-smile he often throws my way. Is he interested? Normally I’m the one to ask guys to hang out, but having had a pretty disastrous rejection lately, I’m laying low for a while. What do you think–is it worth it?



Dear Dubious,

Is it worth the crushing blow of rejection to ask out this half-smiling peer? Great heffalumps and woozles, what are you waiting for?

There’s nothing to make you second guess yourself like being denied when you’ve you put yourself out there. Rejections are a most unique form of pain. It’s not so much an ache or burn but more like a weight, pressure squeezing you to the point where you want to burst or maybe are afraid of bursting if you even consider ever trying such a risky action again. Triggers the flight reaction more often than the fighting one. Why would you ever want to feel that weight again, especially so soon? Except that this is the perfect time to put yourself under the threat of that weight again!

The longer you go between taking action, the harder it becomes when the time comes to act. You’ve been shot down and now are gun shy but that’s all the more reason you need to saddle up and strap it on (metaphorically, unless you’re into that sort of thing). This half-smiling correcter is the perfect chance to get comfortable aiming your gun again. Is it the evidence you find lacking?

All the facts you’re presenting feel a bit circumstantial. He goes above and beyond helping with your homework. He’s nice when you talk to each other in class. He has a really nice smile he flashes at you (at least it’s just his smile, that’s a good sign!). Yes, he could be interested. He could also be a nice guy who’s really into the class and thinks you’re cool to talk to. There’s no law against having a friend in class of the gender you’re sexually oriented toward. But here’s the thing, what more proof in the pudding do you need to take the initiative?

It’s rare to get a situation where you’re 100% guran-damn-teed to get a “yes.” And you don’t have a hot tub time machine to go back for a do-over. But here’s what you do you have: an opportunity to ask out a nice, smart, guy who, to the best of your knowledge, could be into you. What’s actually at risk? Keep it a casual ask, keep it quick, keep it friendly, and even if he doesn’t check the box marked “Y” you still gain two things: clarity and your confidence back.

The only answer you get by being to afraid to ask is “no.”

“A-B-C, always be closing,”

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

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