This Thanksgiving I’m Choosing Food Over Sex [Sexy Time]

Thanksgiving might be my favorite holiday because it is pretty much completely about food, and what is there not to love about that? Turkey, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, an obligatory spoonful of stuffing, challah, pie. Also, since today is my birthday as well, I have plans to get deeply intimate with a cake. So…between all that plus watching the Thanksgiving episodes of Gossip Girl, I don’t think there’s any time to get frisky with the boyfriend.

Luckily, it’s not like Thanksgiving is a particularly sexually-charged day. Despite the fact that this is the first time we’re actually in the same city for Thanksgiving, there wasn’t some sort of unspoken expectation that we’d partake in coitus. To be honest, special occasion sex is kind of a boner killer to me anyway. I always feel this pressure to make things more exciting than they usually are, and then I end up feeling disappointed because the sex isn’t transformative enough for the occasion or whatever. One of the best parts about being in an eternally long-term relationship with someone is that there’s no longer that since of urgency to mark every single occasion with sex because there’s a shared understanding that sex will always be there.

I can’t help but be kind of unimpressed by all these stories I saw on Cosmo with readers confessing their holiday hookups. Like, really, you’re willing to abandon stuffing for some nookie? Do you plan to break up that night? I get that it’s taboo and risque to have sex when your family is like 5 feet away and that’s a turn-on for a lot of people, but oy, I feel like Thanksgiving is one of the few times where it’s acceptable to openly choose potato salad over penis, and I think it’s an utter crime to not take advantage of it.

Nevertheless, whether you and your boo plan to bone like rabbits in your childhood bedroom or spend the whole day eating and watch mindless TV, have a wonderful day. And if you have plans to combine food and fornication, keep your positions low-impact and keep your yams and other sugary parts away from your sensitive areas. Yeast belongs in dough, not on genitals, so be careful!

The Rules of Relationships Are Never Black and White [Dear DBN]
The Rules of Relationships Are Never Black and White [Dear DBN]
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