Not Playing Games = Getting Played [Diary of the Undateable]

I pride myself on being a truthful person…always have been. As a kid, when my parents asked me to confess about something that I did wrong, I’d always tell the truth and take the L instead of trying to talk around or out of my punishment. When friends ask me for my honest opinion about outfits, I’ll tell them that the look sucks instead of sugarcoating it. And I’m an aspiring journalist, where honesty is paramount in our work. I’m a straight shooting, no-nonsense kinda gal in all aspects. Which is how it’s supposed to be…or so I thought.

Love is full of games. The chase, the pull and tug and the satisfaction of getting what was wanted in the end. However, I prefer to skip all that stuff and just be real. I don’t purposely take minutes or hours to text back. I don’t front about how I really feel or what I really want from the relationship. I don’t ignore calls. I don’t dangle other crushes or prospects to evoke jealousy. I give compliments, I give space and I’m respectful. I don’t do anything out of the ordinary or crazy…because who has time for that, really? Life’s too short. If I care about someone and value his energy, I make sure that it’s known.

Remember Tonio, my OkCupid 4/20 date who was only interested in hitting at day’s end? I didn’t realize that I was playing games with him until later on down the road when I stepped outside of the situation. To him, I probably seemed like I was the kind of girl that he was looking for – a DTF party princess – since I didn’t necessarily object to the kind of date that ended up going on. It was one of my first dates, so I was too nervous to tell him that no, I did not want him to blow smoke in my open mouth. And I hate to admit this because it’s totally embarrassing, but a few weeks later my friends and I committed the cardinal sin of drunk texting him some crazy, crazy stuff. Not one of my proudest moments. I think that the way I presented myself vs. the way I was in front of him was just confusing. I was like, three different people in his eyes.

From then on, I vowed to keep it simple when it comes to these dudes. Besides, I try to treat people the way that I want to be treated. Because of that, I think that guys ultimately think that I’m boring. If I’m always available, then what is there to wonder about or fight for? At least that’s what my friend Bernard told me. I was frustrated with a crush who was super-cute but a sucky communicator.

“Why does he hit me up when he doesn’t even want to talk to me?” I asked. “Because thirsty girls like you will pick up every time,” he countered easily.

Ouch. When we don’t pick up the phone, we’re seen as a challenge. But then there’s the chance of looking uninterested. But then when we do, we’re seen as overly eager…or as Bernard put it, thirsty. I just can’t win out here.

I’m turning 23 in two months and I just don’t feel like playing Jedi mind tricks and dancing in the dark anymore. If I like someone, I tell him. If I want to see him, I make the date. If I want to hear from him, then I hit him up. That’s how I play the game – with no games. And maybe that’s why I’m losing. Sigh.

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

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