So I have a very attractive firefighter as a roommate. We just started living together (before a month ago we never knew each other). He’s 30 years old, has never lived with a girl, has never been married and is talking to his ex he’s known for years. I have a boyfriend he knows of, too and I’m 22.
I know the rules of roommates, etc., but I just can’t help myself and want to cuddle up to him in his bed or on the couch. Do I go for it (and what would I do) or struggle to keep my head occupied elsewhere? This is so hard already! Help!
Dear Burning up,
Should you go for it with your firefighter roomie? As long as you know the rules and the risks, you’re a big girl, make your big decisions. You’ve got a classic porn set up in your apartment, all you’re missing is a pizza delivery boy and a school girl outfit and you’ll complete the trifecta. If fire-boy’s up for it, why not add some of these elements?
It sounds like you’ve got the hots and want to indulge in some fun. Long as you’re okay for any blowback with your bf then who am I to say “you crazy”? Just keep it in mind the trouble you’re tempting…
1. Needing to find a new room mate
2. Needing to find a new place to live (if things go south, who says you’ll stay and he’ll go?)
3. Being single again
4. Gaining a reputation as a cheater
5. Ruining fire-boy’s chances with his ex
Those are just the things come off of the top of my head. Again, so long as you know the possible fallout and are willing to deal with the brunt of any/all those possible repercussions, then jump ‘dem bones!
You don’t need much rhyme or reason to snuggle up. It can be a long day and you two are hanging out, watching a movie, you offer to make some popcorn, get on the couch and as the movie goes on you inch in a bit. Maybe a beer or a glass of whiskey could be involved. Maybe you go far enough to play a game of “hide the hotdog.” Keep to the classics. Keep it simple. Let it happen and it’ll happen more often than not.
I’ll put this out there though…you know the room mate rules. You know you’ve got quite a bit in the balance by jumping onto his pole. I get that you’re horny and, based on what you want, not in a satisfying relationship based on its current boundaries and parameters (if you and your bf are poly then this wouldn’t something you came to me with, probably), so what’s this really about? What is it you want? Escape for a little bit? Something secret? Something just yours? Fantasy, uh, fulfillment? An excuse to break up with your bf? We do something potentially destructive, and make no mistake that is what this is, because a part of us wants to destroy a part of our lives. You might want to consider that you could be looking for a way out of something and ask yourself, “what do I want to get away from?” Then grab your fire-boy’s hose with a bit more self-awareness and clarity. That’s all.
Going to shoot for the FDNY calendar,
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]