Have you heard that it is cold? HAVE YOU RECEIVED THIS NEWS THAT IT IS VERY COLD? Apparently the bottom of Satan’s Butthole (the cold part in Dante’s Inferno) is hovering above North America in the form of some sort of polar bear vortex in which all the cold farts are funneled through polar bears’ mouths then pushed on top of our heads or something like that—science, you know.
The result is 40 below weather which realistically doesn’t seem possible until you remember one of the many theories of how the dinosaurs went extinct. While ironically the cause is global warming or Satan’s bad breath or something, it doesn’t matter the hypothesis, the fact of the matter it is hard-nipple cold outside. I could cut glass with these nips, if we are being honest. Like you do when most horribly uncomfortable things happen, it’s important to look on the bright side, I guess.
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