magnifier menu chevron-left chevron-right chevron-down

The 9 Kinds Of Dicks You’ll Meet In Life


screaming boss

How Not To Be A Dick: An Everyday Etiquette Guide by Meghan Doherty an excellent resource for anyone trying to navigate this crazy ass world of social gatherings, workplaces, dinners and anything else that may leave you unsure of how to act.

We’ve decided to excerpt our favorite chapter: “A Typology of Dicks.” This section outlines the 9 kinds of dicks you’ll encounter throughout life and it is pretty spot on.

The Bully

Bullies make fun of other people for what they see as “flaws” and exploit these flaws in order to make themselves feel better. Some bullies grow up and become repentant everyday citizens, while others double down on this bad behavior and become talk show radio hosts, supervillains, stand-up comics, etc.

The Elitist 

Eliticism isn’t about having a lot of money or education. It’s ignorance about the benefits of privilege and the institutionalized economic disparities between social classes, It’s assuming that poor people must be lazy and stupid or else they wouldn’t be poor. It’s also assuming that you are a better person just because you have more money, a better job, or a boat.

The Martyr

We all have problems, but martyrs revel in those problems and use them as a sort of capital. By insisting that their lives are awful but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, martyrs seek to attract attention and draw out compliments.

The Narcissist

All of us have our moments of narcissism, but a true narcissist is someone who is vain and self interested to the point of megalomania. Narcissists wind up imposing on others even when they are not treating people with outright disdain. Narcissists are careless at best and destructive at worst.

The Drama Queen

Being a drama queen has nothing to do with wearing a crown. It’s what happens when we lose perspective and treat every bump in the road like it’s a mountain to climb. Some people think their lives aren’t constantly struggling with important problems–even if they fabricate those problems themselves.

The Bigot 

A bigot is one who makes generalizations based on other people’s race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. Bigots don’t take the time to get to know a person individually but instead rely on their preconceived ideas of what someone should be.

The Sexist

Sexists believe that one sex is inherently superior to the other. Sexists also tend to think that gender  has an inherent role, like breadwinner or dishwasher, and that a person’s worth is based on fulfilling that role. Sexist not only look down on people of the opposite sex, but their own sex as well.

The Manipulator 

Manipulators act as though they have the capacity to directly influence people and events, This is presumptuous and rude and can also lead to a lot of really messy personality conflicts if the manipulator gains a real foothold in a given community. Manipulators are most prevalent on the reality television circuit, but they also pop up regularly in schoolyards, city halls, boardrooms and fantasy epics on a premium cells.

The Passive-Aggressive

As with narcissism, we’re all passive aggressive at some point or another. But a dickish level of passive aggressiveness is achieved when someone consistently operates via. implication rather than direct address. Passive aggressives are unpredictable, and their lack of communication skills makes it unclear who they are, in fact, really mad at. It’s funny from a distance but awful from up close.

Pick up a copy of How Not To Be A Dick here.

[Image via. Shutterstock/dotshock]

    Emerald is an editor at CollegeCandy, lover of coffee, and pretend francophile. After studying writing and popular culture at NYU she decided to be a grownup and get a job. Tweet at ya' girl @EmeraldGritty.