magnifier menu chevron-left chevron-right chevron-down

I Really Don’t Know How to Date [Diary of the Undateable]


Most people that I know are casually dating for various reasons – some want companionship on lonely weeknights or cold weekends, some want a reason to dress up and get a free meal and some just want someone cute to cuddle up with. It’s like they’re trying on shoes until they find a pair that’s decent enough to take out of the store. But that’s what dating is, right? Trial and error until The One surfaces.

There’s nothing wrong with casual dating, of course. I just don’t know if I’m cut out for it because I don’t know what I’m doing, and because I’ve never been in a real relationship. According to my friends, I’m not dating properly because a) I haven’t been on that many and b) I’m not able to set up expectations because I don’t have anyone/anything to base them off of.

In November, I finally met up with Mitt, my longtime OKC crush from the summer. Our communication had already dipped to one measly weekly text by then, but I was hoping that a real date would salvage things. I was so nervous from the time we decided to meet up until the day of. What if he doesn’t like me? What if I don’t like him? What if he stands me up?! I thought that things went exceptionally well, even though he showed up an hour late. We chatted comfortably and laughed a lot, browsing through racks of discounted duds at Buffalo Exchange and walking around downtown Brooklyn afterwards. We agreed to see each other when I came back to New York for Christmas. Then, of course, he melted off the face of the Earth.

To this day, I still don’t know what went wrong. He seemed attracted to me and took an opportunity to openly check me out when he arrived to the coffee shop where we linked up at. He laughed at all my jokes and seemed genuinely interested in the stuff I had to say. He was bummed that I had to cut the night short and openly expressed interest in seeing me again. I asked my council of homegirls for their opinion, and the consensus was this: just because the date went well for me doesn’t mean he felt the same way.

Bad dates happen. I get that. Everyone’s been on one. Had I been on more, I might have been able to bounce back from this one a little bit faster. I’m confident in the fact that I know just enough to set some standards for myself.  I DEFINITELY know that I’d like someone who doesn’t show up late and texts after the first date. I know that I want to be treated with respect. I know that I need to be with someone who’s a good communicator. I know that I need someone patient, loyal and honest. And if he just happens to look like Michael Ealy, I will so not even complain. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to find my Mr. Right if I’m not dating…but I don’t know how to date properly. Ugh. This is SUCH a headache.

CollegeCandy, is there a right or wrong way to date?

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

    When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea, a recent Howard University graduate, moonlights as a magazine intern and a freelancer in New York City. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.