Is Lorde Really 17? Internet Finds Birth Certificate

Lorde, the seventeen-year-old New Zealand singer is in the midst of a bit of a birther scandal. After being convinced she couldn’t sing worth a dime, the internet is now convinced she isn’t really seventeen years old. After a string of “suspicious quotes” many feel as though Lorde is really a 100-year-old siren using her song spell to sell records (and earn Grammys) all while convincing us she is some sort of prodigy. There was that quote about how The Virgin Suicides “really resonated with me as a teenager. I mean, I am still a teenager,” and then later Lorde said to Vanity Fair: ” Hi, I’m Ella and I’m actually 45.” I’m surprised no one has done this before because for a seventeen-year-old Lorde is incredibly talented, for  a 47-year-old witch, not so much. After much demand Lorde’s birth certificate has manifested on the internet. SHOCKING NEWS: She is actually 17 years old. I know, it sucks, she is making us twenty-somethings look bad. Bummer—for us. The Hairpin did some investigative journalism, “The fine country of New Zealand, for $17.02, has provided us with what they say is a copy of Lorde’s birth certificate. Lorde’s full name: Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O’Connor. Lorde’s DOB: 7 November 1996. Lorde, two-time Grammy winner, is 17 years old.”