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College Admissions Officials Insult Delusional Students



The Washington Post ran an article where they interviewed college admissions counselors about all the things they wish they could say to those often delusional students. You know parents have done wrong when they convince someone that they can achieve anything like getting into Dartmouth with a 1.8 GPA. You can always turn things around, kiddos but that usually takes time. Here are the 5 best insults college advisors had for their students and see the rest here.

Not Even If You Are The Last Prospective Student on Earth

“I was reminded of an interaction with a student … She told me that she was interested in applying to Dartmouth. I looked at her challenging transcript and I was SO tempted to say: ‘If an asteroid strikes the earth and kills every teenager but you, you MIGHT make the wait list.'”

It’s Not Rocket Science But It Isn’t Brain Surgery Either

“My favorite unsaid line to a student with low scores and low science grades who planned on being a neurosurgeon: ‘I can guarantee you’ll never be my neurosurgeon.'”

You Have To Be A Scholar To Get A Scholarship 

“As the discussion escalated and the parent became more and more demanding of her daughter’s right to receive a scholarship, my colleague kindly reminded the parent that to receive a scholarship it is implied that one is a scholar. I will never forget that moment as the parent’s mouth dropped and she stormed out of our office. I think we may have all applauded our colleague for doing this.”

You Just Can’t Spell

“The one thing I want to say to my in-a-hurry seniors who fill out transcript request forms quickly without attention to detail is, ‘Aww honey if you can’t spell the name of college correctly, you probably shouldn’t apply there.’”

Kid You Must Be High As Balls

“One of my extremely intelligent, less motivated/self-medicated students went to a large, prestigious flagship university to pursue a pre-med track and dropped out after his freshman year with a transcript full of failed classes and a W’s. He casually said, ‘Oh, it’s all good. I’ll just pursue pre-med at a community college and go to medical school from there.’ With a sympathetic smile on my face, my inner voice responded, ‘Really? Medical school where? The University of Burundi?’ I think he’s currently pursuing the high life in Colorado, and I’m not talking about the ski slopes.”

Emerald is an editor at CollegeCandy, lover of coffee, and pretend francophile. After studying writing and popular culture at NYU she decided to be a grownup and get a job. Tweet at ya' girl @EmeraldGritty.