With the first episode post Watergate (lol get it?), Juan Pablo had some making up to do. Not just to Clare, and not just to me, but to literally all of us who fell head over heals for this dope in the first three weeks, only to watch it all come crashing down. Am I being dramatic? Most definitely, but that could be because this week was so boring and I have to spice this up somewhere.
Of all the dates so far, Andi’s one-on-one date would for sure freak me out the most. I can guarantee you I would get stuck between those rocks and never get out, and I would have a legitimate panic attack. Andi didn’t even have a mini freak out, not even any quotes about how squeezing through rock caves is like falling in love! Though she did seem overly impressed that JP would hold her hand while climbing through said rocks. This does not make JP a particularly loving partner, it makes him a decent human. The camera dudes probably would have helped you, too.
More importantly on this date, I’m not sure how neither of them enjoyed that geyser going off. How cool was that! It was definitely the most interesting part of this date that had no chemistry and literally no good conversations. I am not sure there were even words spoken.
As mad as I continue to be at Juan Pablo, I have to hand it to him, he plans some epic group dates. Starting off in those big balls that you roll down with a bunch of people and ending it in the actual house from the Hobbit… So, so good. I wonder if Juan Pablo likes Lord of the Rings. I really can’t picture that scenario, but it was a super cool date. I particularly enjoyed when they ran through fields throwing sheep poop at each other.
But for as much fun as this date was, I still felt super let down. Maybe it’s because I’m jaded from what happened last week, but I felt like all of the solo time was a girl starting to talk, and him just making out with her. Do we think he just gets tired of having to comprehend all this English, so he stops them from talking with kisses? I am starting to think that wouldn’t be such a crazy idea.
Although I do think it was a good move to send Cassandra home, it would have been cool if he hadn’t dumped her on her birthday. This dude just keeps confusing me so much. But, it was Cassandra’s time. If I had to listen to her cry about how she’s been out of the dating game for a long time because she is afraid of getting hurt again, I would have exploded (see that volcano reference there?). She is 21. Time off dating? What does that even mean.
Now, on to Juan and Clare.
Lately, I have been listening to a lot of podcasts on behind-the-scenes Bachelor info to get an inside scoop on the ins and outs. From what I hear, Juan Pablo has no say over which girl goes on which dates. Overall, this seems to be one of the most produced aspects of this show. Which definitely made me wonder if he had any real say over Clare getting the second one-on-one this week.
I am still unclear on how I feel about these two. No, I don’t think they had sex. I legitimately think all of this hubbub has been over a hot and heavy 4 AM make out session in the ocean. Which makes it so much crazier!
In his “apology,” he made a point of saying again that he was upset because it wasn’t fair, and that the timing of it was inappropriate. But they make out and straddle each other more in this lame ass date at this sparse hotel than they did when they were in the ocean. So what is this he keeps saying about inappropriate?
But, whatever, it works for Clare. She’s convinced this was their first fight and they are learning how to communicate with each other. I hate to say it, but it’s so not true. I can just picture this fight IRL, Clare would text and call him probably 26 times a day until he called back and just kept repeating “don’t cry” and then they’d probably break up. But I digress.
If it wasn’t for my very big, very delicious, bottle of Thorny Rose Bachelor wine, this episode would have been pretty brutal. I need more drama in my life, and I need Juan Pablo to start saying different things. Luckily, it looks like next week will bring us all of that as we head back to Miami.
[Lead image via]
We’re Here For The Right Reasons: “The Bachelor” Recap, Episode 6
