Susan Patton, aka The Princeton Mom, is at it again: pressuring young women into finding husbands in college (because at 19 everyone so wants to be married). No, this advice doesn’t extend to male students. Of course not. Do we need to quote the feminist monologue, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, in Beyoncé’s “Flawless” to convince this lady why this shit is so fucked up? Not only is it backwards. I’m talking five decades ago backwards, it does the one thing women have been fighting so hard against for years: expectations.
If someone prioritizes marriage over a career because that’s more important to them that is a great thing. They will be more happy because that’s what they wanted—duh! The issue is that presenting this path as the only option for women is one that thousands of years of history has proven to be inherently oppressive.
Patton says, “If you spend the first 10 years out of college focused entirely on building your career, when you finally get around to looking for a husband you’ll be in your 30s, competing with women in their 20s. That’s not a competition in which you’re likely to fare well. If you want to have children, your biological clock will be ticking loud enough to ward off any potential suitors. Don’t let it get to that point. You should be spending far more time planning for your husband than for your career—and you should start doing so much sooner than you think. This is especially the case if you are a woman with exceptionally good academic credentials, aiming for corporate stardom.”
Why does it have to be one or the other? Are we just going to pretend like many people don’t meet their significant others on their career paths? Am I supposed to just sit with the fact that this woman basically called women in their 30s (which is so young) undesirable? If this is the case then why aren’t men doing this too? Why do women have to sacrifice everything in the pursuit of love? Why do we have to forfeit the power that has been denied to them for thousands of years, just when it has become accessible to us, yet men get to keep everything? If two people want to share their life together, at which ever age, shouldn’t they be sharing those responsibilities, those sacrifices, those careers? Why does the woman have to bear the burden? Oh, yeah, sexism. Because sexism is rampant amongst women too, duh.
She continues, “An extraordinary education is the greatest gift you can give yourself. But if you are a young woman who has had that blessing, the task of finding a life partner who shares your intellectual curiosity and potential for success is difficult. Those men who are as well-educated as you are often interested in younger, less challenging women.”
If you’re looking for a husband during college then aren’t you one of those “younger, less challenging women,” in her twenties? This is also incredibly insulting to men: no matter how smart a guy is he’ll always want some “stupid” girl to conquer. Isn’t it just readily apparent when someone is living in the past? Pathetic. Was this article republished from another century?
She also warns: don’t be a slut. “Casual sex is irresistible to men, but the smart move is not to give it away. If you offer intimacy without commitment, the incentive to commit is eliminated. The grandmotherly message of yesterday is still true today: Men won’t buy the cow if the milk is free.” This rumor gets disproven literally everyday by everyone I know.
Here’s one thing that is true: history favors progress and the old women and old men who want to insist that their lame, oppressive traditions are the correct path will die and their ideas will die with them. To be young is to be enlightened. Susan Patton can go fuck herself.