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Will a Guy Date You If You Won’t Have Sex with Him?


dating without having sex

Let’s talk about sex. Ever the popular topic, after all. Specifically, lets talk about the importance of sex when it comes to dating, or rather, not having it. There’s a cultural notion that’s been paraded amidst popular mediums that sex is super important to guys. That you need to have it if he’s going to feel like the relationship, or even considering getting serious with someone, does in some part hinge on having sex and that the sex is great. Is that true? Can’t you do things the old fashion way and wait a while without fear of him losing interest?

The noble answer is: yes. That also goes for the polite, decent, civilized, chivalrous, wishful, and preferred answers. Guys should be willing to let things develop before getting physical. They should be cool with letting the anticipation build. They also should have enough respect for you to go at the pace you’re comfortable with. In theory, that SHOULD be the answer. With any decent guy, it is. However, in reality, the dating scene isn’t populated with just decent guys.

There are a lot of a-holes out there. Those guys may not have much patience to take it at your speed. They also might not understand the concept of foreplay…or intimacy. They might value sex differently. In my opinion, it’s a possessive and immature way of valuing it. However, that’s one dude’s opinion, as are all of my posts. Now here’s the kicker: if a guy can’t go at your pace then you can take that as a clear sign to leave the scene before you risk going any further. It’s not a rejection or a failing on your part. It IS a sign that you should move on and that you haven’t found someone right for you.

Now there’s a small flipside here: sex involves two partners. So, you’re not just talking about one person’s sense of pace when it comes to being ready but two people. Like all relationships — developing, casual, or otherwise — there does need to be a bit of compromise when it comes to sex. This kind of considering and compromise involves, more than anything else, why you want to keep from jumping under the sheets. If there’s no flexibility then that’s a statement in and of itself. And while he may show good faith by taking it at your pace for a long while, it helps to show appreciation that he’s going at the pace you want, even if it might be a little slower than the pace he’d prefer. Don’t get me wrong, I’m talking about waiting months, maybe years, not just him keeping it in his pants for two weeks, you know? I’m just saying, it all takes two and no two people are going to want to go at the same pace all of the time. That’s not possible. So yes, guys should be willing to wait and let things develop. Doesn’t mean all of them will and if you are with a guy who gives you a ton of gruff, then move on.

Go as you go,

The Dude

[Lead image via Matthew Nigel/Shutterstock]

I'm a dude. I know dudes. And I'll share what I know with you. Just ask!