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Here’s to the Good Times [Twenty-Something Rules]


Twenty-Something Rules-2

I need to be careful sometimes. I tend to trip a lot and say dumb things in public. Most importantly, I need to be mindful of my tendency to wish time away. I push it along like a bad disease.

When I’m at work, I hope for Friday. When Friday rolls around, time can’t fly fast enough for me to be sprawled out like a starfish on my bed. Then, come Saturday, I’m planning my summer trip to New York and packing to move to my new apartment. Summer, I’m beckoning you to to my doorstep.

It’s annoying as hell, if you ask me twice. So, at current, I’m trying to conserve time. I’m trying to silence my mind when I will the future to be the present. These are growing years, ones that go under appreciated. I shouldn’t be wishing for them to flutter away.

From one twenty-something to another, soak up the good times.

Rule #50: Take a deep breath. Your house isn’t going to look like the one on your Pinterest page for decades.

Those beautiful pink drapes paired with that perfect Benjamin Moore grey hue on your walls? The glass coffee table and faux fur throw draped on your crisp white love seat? Get. Over. It. If you keep thinking your home is going to look like your “Home is Where Your Heart Is” board on Pinterest, send your dreams a few clouds up, fancy pants. Take the time to enjoy your most current sh*t hole, save your money and slowly accumulate nice things. Someday, when you’re old enough for your children to ruin it, you’ll have it all.

Rule #51: The attitude of “like, not giving a f%&@ about anything” is one of the many ways to be annoying.

All right badass McGee, let’s work on a little something called giving a f%$@ and not telling the class about it!

Rule #52: Pizza will never disappoint you.

Even the shittiest of cardboard pizzas will not disappoint you. When there is pizza, there is happiness. Not necessarily world peace, but personal peace. Personal peace in a personal pan.

Ok, I’m done.

Rule #53: Take advice from this Sean Penn quote: “The prettiest things won’t ask for attention.”

When I heard this quote, he was definitely acting (as himself) in ‘The Secret Life of Walter Mitty’ and talking about photographing an exotic lioness. But take the quote for what it’s worth. The best spotlight comes in modesty. You don’t have to beg for spotlight for people to see you.

Rule #54: New Year’s Eve will always find a way to disappoint you.

And that is a fact. New Year’s Eve is the biggest buzzkill of a holiday on the planet. You can never get too drunk, have too much fun being cute about being sober, get the perfect kiss, wear a sparkly enough dress or end without:

A) Crying because you’re drunk and it wasn’t good enough

B) Yawning because you didn’t even try to make it cool.

Rule #55: Being a bridesmaid is going to be expensive. Make peace with it now.

Countless bottles of “celebration wine,” bridal books, bridal magazines, wildly obnoxious lacy underwear with bedazzled bride copy, penis-shaped everything, more booze, road trips, brunch in Vegas, slutty clothes for Vegas, expensive gift wrap, hotels, heels, flowers, dresses…(**brain explodes**). Take a deep breath. And get over it, honey!

Rule #56: Mix in a water.

Drink some water in between drinks at the bar…at the gym…at your desk. It’s unbelievable how difficult it is to actually take time to sip on some H20. No, I didn’t say vodka. Or coffee. That’s not good enough. Plop a lemon wedge into your water and chug that thing dry.

Click here for rules 1-50!

    University of Saint Thomas graduate. Minnesota-bred and happy to talk about the weather any time you’d like! Strongly believes any situation can be bettered by a slice of generously buttered toast or Phil Dunphy. Would get arrested to touch Justin Timberlake’s face. Always trying to be a better person by not wishing horrible karma on people driving slow in the fast lane. Hear more: @twitter @instagram