All Text, No Action [Diary of the Undateable]

A few months ago, I received the most unique message that I’ve received on OkCupid thus far. And by unique, I mean something other than “I like your boobs.” The entire thing was in Portuguese. I opened up Google Translator in another tab and immediately got to work.
“I think that you’re beautiful. You have a pretty smile. Your profile is very interesting. We seem like we have a lot of common, including the fact that we’re both writers,” the first few sentences read.
I was intrigued by Ramón, a comedian/student/pizza enthusiast from Queens. In terms of aesthetics, he was very cute in a different way – chocolate brown eyes, shaggy hair…a t-shirt and jeans kind of guy versus the tall, dark, dapper and dangerous type that I’m typically attracted to. We didn’t have much in common besides writing in our profiles. He seemed like a goofy and genuine, though. And who doesn’t like a funny guy?
“So basically, are you asking for my number?” I replied, cutting right to the chase.
We exchanged numbers and started texting soon after. Ramón seemed very cool. He wasn’t bs-ing…comedy is what he made a living from. He was about to get on stage at a hole-in-the-wall club downtown and gave me a preview of his set.
“Don’t ever play Beyoncé if we have sex,” he said. “My last girlfriend did that. It was so weird. She started singing ‘Run the World’ as soon as we finished. At least be on top!”
Bah dah dum. Ummm…keep your day job, Ramón.
Whatever. I didn’t get his sense of humor yet, but I wanted to give him a chance in the spirit of going with the flow.
For the next two weeks, we talked and talked and talked about anything and everything. I found him charming and quirky. I even got used to his weird jokes.
“I wish you were here,” he told me before getting on stage at his friend’s cousin’s babymama’s bestie’s performance in Jersey, or something like that. “There are no cute girls here. I always like making out with a cute girl before a show.”
Ummm…thanks, I guess? But again, whatever. Ramón may have been a little bit too forward for my taste, but I was a girl who was going with the flow. So I went with it.
“When and where are we going to meet up?” I asked him, taking matters into my own hand.
“Let’s do Wednesday,” he told me. “Do you like pizza? I’ll figure something out and get back to you.”
Wednesday came and of course, Ramón was nowhere to be found. Is it bad that I was more upset about the lost opportunity of free pizza versus not meeting him? No? Oh, okay.
In all seriousness, I wasn’t too upset because the same thing happened with my last few crushes. They’re all text and no action. These guys seem to be interested enough…they initiate the contact. They carry the conversation. They compliment and they’re curious…or seem to be. I try my best to be gregarious and gracious. Even if I have something going on, I’ll make sure that my night’s clear when they do ask me out. But then the day of the date comes and the guys are nowhere to be found.
Of course, I can chalk it up to the simple fact that these guys just aren’t into me. I mean, clearly. But it’s just like…why? Why put forth the effort of getting to know someone when you’re not going to follow through? My patience is too thin to think about it. Ramon texted a few days later, but I deleted it and never heard from him again. Joke’s on him.
When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea, a recent Howard University graduate, moonlights as a magazine intern and a freelancer in New York City. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

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