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“How Can Someone Just ‘Feel Differently?'” [Ask A Dude]


Dear dude,

My ex broke up with me about a month ago for no real reason other then that he was “feeling differently.” I was very upset with this breakup. We dated for about 6 months and he was my first love. Unfortunately, we go to the same college so I get to awkwardly pretend I don’t see him almost every day.

Recently he has been texting me asking me about personal issues (my mom and I have health issues) saying that he still really cares and that he wants to stay close. The other day he told me about how I was one of the closest people in his life and, even though we are not dating right now, he doesn’t think that has to change. (Key words RIGHT NOW) and now he’s started saying hi to me on campus again.

I’m just so confused and frustrated! Does this mean he wants to get back together? What does he want! Why is he acting like this all of the sudden? Help!


Sad and confused

Dear Sad and confused,

Your ex dumped you, seemingly out of the blue, but continues to press all the emotional buttons he can. Now you’re left wondering whether he’s regretting the break up and wants to get back together or doesn’t realize he’s driving you crazy. What do you do? You don’t get back together with him, that’s for damn certain!

“Feeling differently” is a crappy, vague, and stupid excuse for breaking up with someone. Doesn’t mean feelings don’t change. Doesn’t mean you don’t end things because your feelings have changed. It still is a stupid ass thing to say. There’s no way to get closure when someone breaks up with you using that excuse. However, if someone does end things that way then they have to leave you the hell alone.

He’s created a mindf*ck situation here. For him to pull out that stupidest of stupid reasons to break up with you but then try to act like things don’t have to change is unfair, immature, and dangerous. You’re suffering from his stupidity. Stupid, stupid, and more stupid is all you’re asking for if you decide to give him another chance.

A person that gets cold feet and then gets colder feet after jumping out of the relationship is not someone who’s proven you can trust. It’s proven they aren’t capable of being a partner to you.

Now he’s pushing his way back into your good graces, not even letting you get enough room to get over him. This person doesn’t get how hard it is to move on and can’t understand that the best thing he could do for you would be to leave you alone. Which means it is now up to you to tell him that.

He set the boundaries: You’re broken up. Now he’s trying to rewrite them to the way that works best for him. It’s your turn to set some boundaries of your own. If you need space then tell him. If you don’t want him to rely on you as “one of the closest people” in his life for a while then you need to tell him. And that’d be a perfectly reasonable request. Take some time to make a list of what YOU need to move on and then tell him what you need. Tell him that listening to you and respecting your needs is what a real friend would do.

If he’s too stupid to listen and to respect what you ask of him, then that’s all the proof you’ll ever need that he’s not worth your energy.

Respecting the rules,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

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