When Stephen and I first started dating, I had a problem with his ex-girlfriend. I told everyone that I just hated how badly she hurt him, but the truth was I was jealous. I was jealous that she got to be with him before I did, and that she lived with him, and that they spent a long time together before I even knew who either of them were. I had reasons. I had been burned by men before who were still in love with their ex girlfriends. So, I was apprehensive for a reason, but I was taking it a little too far.
I meticulously stalked her page and started judging her on the most ridiculous things. Oh I’m totally skinnier than her, perfect. But does she have a cuter face than me? Oh my god, that myspace angle is so stupid. Am I stupid for doing this? Probably. Her Facebook was blocked so there were only a few things accessible to me. I then turned to Twitter. She didn’t have one. But Instagram was a jackpot.
After about an hour, I started to hate this girl. And then I started to hate myself. How absolutely ridiculous is it to be jealous over someone that I have never even met. Especially because at that same exact moment I was preaching to Stephen about how jealousy kills relationships. I was the world’s biggest hypocrite. Plus, I didn’t have anything to be jealous about. He wasn’t still speaking with her, especially not in a way that would lead someone to believe he still loved her. He didn’t have old scandalous photos of her saved on his hard drive. He didn’t lock his phone and hide it from me or jump whenever it would vibrate. I had no reason to be jealous. She wasn’t dating him anymore, I was.
Not only had I never met this girl in person, I literally only knew the tiniest things about her. When people post on social media it’s only a snapshot of their lives. I went to Spain last summer. My pictures and status updates were loaded with “I’m having so much fun!” “This is the time of my life!” “The most amazing three weeks!” Yes, it was all of those things. Yes, I would go back to Spain in a heartbeat. But I was also homesick. And I really wanted American food. And honestly, by the end of three weeks I was really sick of travel. But you wouldn’t know that if you didn’t speak to me in person. In fact, I was probably looking #blessed posting Spain Selfies of me having a good time.
I just think all the pain and harm and rage caused by looking at this girl’s social media did more harm than good. It was completely unnecessary and unhealthy. Honestly, it’s not a great start to a relationship. I know we all do it, but really, why? Is it to feel better about ourselves. That’s pretty catty of us, and we’re better than that. Is it to see if he’s still in love with her? Well, if you’re concerned talk about it with your boyfriend like an adult. Is it because she won’t leave him alone? Talk to the both of them about it like adults. Facebook stalking is passive aggressive, and Bold Girls ain’t about that life.

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Molly is a senior journalism/English major at a school you haven’t heard of in a state you haven’t heard of. She’s obsessed with Chandler Bing, English bulldogs, and cheese. Follow her on twitter @mollymahannah, or check out her website accordingtomolly.com.