Selena Gomez is a born-again virgin according to InTouch, “Selena has told friends she’s completely swearing off men until she’s married. She wants to be a born-again virgin. Selena has done a complete U-turn in the past month and has gone from partying constantly to attending Bible study with a new hyper-religious groups of friends. They’ve told her it’s OK to save herself for marriage and it will be healthier for her.”
People’s sex lives are their own and by no means am I passing judgment on Selena’s choice to stay celibate until marriage. I have had friends who have been celibate for months or even years and they enjoyed it and learned a lot about themselves. Everyone deals with things differently and while sex can be an incredibly positive thing for some, it can become a negative crutch for others because of trauma, angst or culture, etc. But my word, do I dislike the term “born-again virgin” maybe it’s because I so wholeheartedly despise the premise of “virginity.”
Virginity—this idea that you are pure until you have sex is so weird and yucky. The idea that when a girl has sex her virginity is “taken from her.” Like, c’mon, we had consensual sex, I was using my autonomy to decide to have sex and not a single part of me was taken away. I mean, just think about this for a second. Your virginity is “taken” from you and if virginity = purity then that means your purity is being “taken from you” when a guy puts his penis in you. And then what, he has my purity so he is more pure now and I am a heathen? It’s just not a fun way to look at men or women. Men are the monsters who take away your holiness and women are their sinful victims? Could we make the most basic and beautiful form of pleasure sound like anymore of a horrible transaction?
This idea that you can become a “born-again virgin” is so weird too. Oh, you used to not be pure but now that you’ve stopped having sex you’re a good person again. The connotation and articulation creates the binary of sex = bad, no sex = good, which is so not the case. Can’t we just say, Selena or anybody who is celibate, even for religious reasons, is just making an adult decision to take the steps to be a better person and that may or may not involve faith in a higher power? I guess the issue is that when we create this term and this false dichotomy it can make those who choose a different path seem like they can’t be a better person because they are having sex.
Modesty and sexuality are subjective to cultures, faiths and countries and I have a great respect for anyone who is doing what they want whether that be to have a ton of sex or no sex at all but the virgin/whore binary has just got to go already. The only difference between a woman who has never had sex and a woman who has a ton of sex is her choices. Neither is more pure or more holy, a better person or worse.
Selena Gomez Is A 'Born-Again Virgin' After Bizzle Drama
