My personal to-do list is making me sweat out of my elbows. Is it normal to sweat out of your elbows? No. It’s not. That’s why it’s happening to me.
It’s easy for us during this time in our lives to become epically stressed out. But somehow, you have to let it go like a distant fart in the night. Just let it fade away.
Put on your tennis shoes, plug in your guilty pleasure tunes and run away. Ok, don’t run away literally, just lose yourself in a jog. Cook something you enjoy. Buy yourself flowers. Call your mother. Do things for you.
From one twenty-something to another, let’s take a ten.
Rule #106: Consider the consequences when you suddenly want bangs.
Bangs are like craving a trip to Ikea on a Sunday. You really think it’s a glorious idea and the minute you arrive, your life takes a mysterious and hectic turn for the worst. Just like chopping them bangs right off. The Overarching Bang Rule: They will never look thick and wonderful 24/7. In fact, when you work out, wake up in the morning and breathe too heavily, they will be sticking up and around like an untrimmed garden. When it comes to bangs and Ikea, be careful.
Rule #107: You’re probably too pretty to be swearing that much.
Try not to say “f^ck” so much. Yes, we know it’s satisfying and might make life easier for some reason, but you’re too pretty to do that. We are ladies, aren’t we? Instead, try saying feck (Irish version of f^ck) or Funyun (fat kid version of f^ck).
Rule #108: Call your dad. And talk about more than money and your broken car.
I have a terrible story. I’ve called my Dad to put out fires in my bank account and regarding glitches with my car so often now, whenever he answers the phone he says immediately, “Everything alright sweetie? Is something wrong?” THAT’S HORRIBLE. I have trained my poor father to worry literally whenever the phone rings and I’m on the other end. Call your dad to tell him about your successful day at work or honestly anything else. Spare him. Don’t make him fear your call.
Rule #109: When you’re over 25, you’re not ancient.
Once you’re over 25, a shift happens. The way you consume alcohol, the way you write, greet friends, dress…things get a little calmer. You don’t feel the need to make ocean waves all the time, soft little pond ripples will do. I’m not saying you’re a lame ass now, I’m just saying you feel your heart become warm and moving a little slower feels right. However, rule of thumb, don’t go calling yourself old. You are not old. You are young. When you’re 40, you’re going to blissfully remember your 20s a moronic idiot times. Now, go make some mistakes and stop calling yourself old, you little pup, you.
Rule #110: Marriage is worth the wait.
What’s the hurry anyway? Marriage is stressful and, at the end of the day, you’re still doing the same shit. I’ve watched dozens of friends plan weddings and LOSE THEIR MINDS. You have the rest of your life to think about color schemes and glittery cupcakes. Your man will wait for you, trust me on that one. Have a solid income, feel entirely comfortable with an Excel spreadsheet and know your values match to his like an 10-piece puzzle. If you wait, you’ll be able to afford a much nicer dress anyway.
Rule #111: Shush the nitpicking.
In a relationship, success is all about the small details. Telling your significant other you love them, picking them a dandelion, whatever. But small details don’t only include the small nice stuff. It also includes the small stuff that doesn’t matter; and leaving that out. It’s easy to get comfortable with someone and think they’re going to unconditionally love you for the rest of your life. First things first, they aren’t your mother. They aren’t going to love you forever if you hound on them for moving around too much when they sleep. Don’t be a nitpicker. Count to ten and shut yo lip.
Rule #112: Make peace with not saving a penny.
For the first five years of your professional life, you won’t save a penny. Unless you have your Grandma’s trust fund stuffed in your pants or you become a high class prostitute for a member of Coldplay. In this day and age, loans will linger like green smoke. They will make you want to cry in your sleep. Move to Mexico. Teeter off a building. It’s painful reality, but you can learn how to spend in a smart manner. God Bless you.
Anyone Else Stressed Out? [Twenty-Something Rules]
