Don't Fall Into His Check-Up Text Trap [Diary of the Undateable]

When it’s over, it’s over…that’s always been my philosophy. Yes, I may obsess about the guys who aren’t in my life anymore to my friends. And, of course, I’m all over the Facebooks and the Instagrams and sometimes even the Myspaces to see if any status updates are inspired by me. Sure, I’ll rack my brain and wonder about what went wrong, what I did and what I could’ve done better. And duh, something chocolate and fattening will be consumed while effs will not be given. But I will never, ever, EVER call or text a guy who’s made it crystal clear that he doesn’t want to be with me.
I think that my pride is what keeps me from making the messy mistake of continuing communication with a guy who’s just not that into me anymore. I don’t like feeling like I’m settling for scraps of what I really want and deserve. I don’t like putting in the effort for the both of us. A relationship is supposed to be equally yoked – or as equal as possible. I know that the power in a relationship falls under the person who cares the least…and as awful as it sounds, I’ve grown to hate being the person who cares the most. I’m still the girl who doesn’t like playing games, don’t get me wrong. But I refuse to lose. I’m tired of it. I’ve honestly been proud of my new-found romantic resolve and thought that I was finally getting the hang of this dating thing…until a text from Mitt came in.
Y’all remember Mitt, right? My longtime crush who I was sort of on/mostly off with when I was still finishing up my last semester in D.C. He kept me on a string for a good six or seven months – did just enough to show that he was somewhat interested but not enough to commit to anything. He had this innate sense of popping back into my life whenever I was just starting to get over him. Oh, and he dated my friend.
Clearly, Mitt was no good for me and just wasn’t a good person all around. After I basically told him what an asshole he was (his response? “Ok.”), I blocked his texts and calls. It’s a trick I use to really get over a guy – no need to wait by the phone and worry about a response if they can’t get through. I thought about Mitt from time to time, especially if I happened to be on his side of town…but for the most part, I was starting to move on. And then, like clockwork, he came back a few weeks ago.
I got an iMessage from his email address – we only talked via iMessage during the first stages of our friendship. “I was going through my old messages,” he said. “What’s up?”
Ahh, the good ‘ol check in text. The check in text is essentially like dipping one toe in the pool before diving in. The guy’s testing the waters to see if you’re still pissed off at him for whatever stupid shit he may have done. He wants to see if the check in will lead to a part two of your jilted romcom. Or he might be bored. Whatever the reason is, the check in text will definitely open up a barrage of internal questions, memories and emotions.
When Mitt texted me, I started thinking about all the great conversations we had and how close we became last summer. Maybe he knows he screwed up, I thought. Maybe everyone deserves a second chance.
I texted him back but was purposely short with him. He was going to have to work for my response. But it was pointless – in the middle of our conversation, he stopped texting. W. T. F?
Demetria Lucas, one of my favorite writers, has an Ask.Fm page where anyone can ask her relationship advice anonymously. She doesn’t realize it, but she’s helped me through some VERY sticky situations thus far. I immediately went to her page and asked why Mitt was acting so funky.
“He’s a douche – your words – and keeps stringing you along – your phrase. So why answer? This stops when you decide that it does,” she said.
And that’s that. The check-in text could very well be the most innocent and well-meaning message in the world. Just remember that it’s not required to answer.
When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea, a recent Howard University graduate, moonlights as a magazine intern and a freelancer in New York City. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

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