Life is All About Balance [Twenty-Something Rules]

A few things I don’t do enough: pay my Victoria’s Secret credit card bill on time, pamper my poor troll fingers, read, eat slowly and work out. Things I do too much: watch Netflix, anticipate drinking a light beer with olives after work and construct witty Twitter updates. Life is all about balance. You have to find time to do the things that take a little time (run errands) AND the things that come effortlessly (five episodes of Parks and Rec in one sitting). Once you find that equilibrium, that fierce productivity pyramid sing-songing with your stressful life, things will feel a little more effortless and free. From one twenty-something to another, let’s make time for the easy and the tough. Rule #113: If it makes your heart feel like it’s going to come out of your butt, do it. Because that’s what passion is. No matter what, practice something that makes you so excited, you feel like your heart is going to plop out of your chest and exit out your butt. Rule #114: Sleep your way to the top. Shame on you for thinking this rule was going to be slutty and messy, or make every feminist want to slash my Hyundai tires. By sleeping your way to the top, I mean SLEEP. Get some rest. It’s not worth it to feel like a steamy, stinky a-hole all day. Lack of beauty sleep gets you sick, groggy and sloppy. Success should be based on your health. And a healthy lady works her way to the top. Preach. Rule #115: It’s ‘wheelbarrow’ not ‘wheel barrel.’ Did you know that? I didn’t. And now I’m 26-years-old and sad. Rule #116: You’re not always dying or pregnant. That mole on your arm that looks darker than before, guyssss probably isn’t melanoma. You have a sore muscle that feels like it’s driving itself into your rib cage? Not a tumor, you just need to ease into those shake weights next time. Get yourself checked out like the smart lady you are, but don’t panic when your body does new things. That’s life. Rule #117: Don’t let Instagram define you. You are not the person your Instagram account says you are. So stop worrying about getting that perfect picture of your pasta at the “new, hip pasta bar downtown” and enjoy it without Mayfair-ing the sh*t out of it. Ok? Rule #118: Get properly measured for your correct bra size. I recently stopped being a stubborn ass and let someone awkwardly measure my booby size in a brightly lit area of Victoria’s Secret. I now realize I’ve been wearing the wrong bra size for probably five years. Get measured frequently. Boobs are ever-changing, dramatic and needy. Five cup sizes and a brand new bra later, you’ll be able to do jumping jacks on a windy day and your titties will stay put. Rule #119: Buy nice cheese. Leave the shredded cheddah at home. I went to my first cheese shop and LOST MY MIND (in a good way). Your world will be forever rocked into a mature, sharp cheddar loving coma.

Click here for rules 1-112!