I don’t know very many men of our generation who don’t accept that women get the shit end of the stick when it comes to creeps, pay and the media but I think some of them have a hard time digesting the word “feminist.” Whenever anyone tries to appeal to a man about women’s rights they say, “Think of the daughters and mothers.” That shit irks me to no end. Care about me because I am a person and we coexist on this planet. Care about me because I am human not because you define my importance by my relationship to you. That is an incredibly self-centered way of thinking.
It seems that people think women’s issues are only issues are for women the same some might think Jewish issues are only for the Jewish or Asian American issues are only for Asian Americans. We can’t all give equal attention and thought to every cause, we are mere humans with full schedules. However in America the majority of the population is female and women’s issues do affect men, thus they affect everybody. Most of us generally know about under representation in government, in STEM, we know about body rights, we know the basic fundamentals about why the playing field is unequal but no one ever talks about what these resolutions look like. It becomes hard for both men and women to identify as feminists or care about women’s issues when they can’t see the benefits. Today I want to talk about how feminism will benefit men and sex.
1.) Men Won’t Have To Man Up: Our culture is one that promotes the idea that men must be tough, machismo and have stoic exteriors. It wants men to be jocks, to be big and strong, it wants men to be leaders. Some men are athletes. Some men want to wear a suit to work everyday and tell people what to do. Some men are stoic. (And so are some women.) The reason why “nerds,” gay men, transmen, quiet men and “sensitive” men (etc.) become the targets of exclusion and bullying isn’t some arbitrary “survival of the fittest” culture, it’s because they don’t fit into what is perceived as socially acceptable behavior for men. The biggest insult to call a man in America is a “pussy” or a “girl,” because being a woman is literally the worst thing you can be.
Men who aren’t or who don’t want to fit the contrived model of “dude” are ostracized. Nevertheless there isn’t any man who is precisely “masculine” so men often conceal or hide parts of themselves that are essential in fear of ridicule, like their love of The Hunger Games, sunsets, pink cocktails or Fiona Apple because it’s “girlie.” How is that at all fun? To have to hide parts of yourself or to pretend you are someone you’re not? Consider the fact that women have had cultural revolutions where they decided to wear pants and stop shaving their legs. Women have been able to redefine, with more success than failure, what is acceptable for a women to do or be. Men control the dominant culture, yet they have had no such cultural revolutions which is probably why there has been so much resistance to women redefining themselves (If women can do what men do then what purpose will men have?).
When we understand gender dudes can be dudes without feeling like they’re not dude-y enough.
2.) Men Will Be Less Creepy, There Will Be Less Rape, Lives Will Be Saved: We call it “rape culture” because it is a culture that produces rapists. There are countries with higher incidences of rape, in the United States military there is higher incidences of rape, on college campuses there is higher incidences of rape; surely you don’t believe that these men who go to universities, join the military or are from certain regions are more likely to be born sexual predators? No. There are simply circumstances, ideas, notions, behaviors in these places that make males susceptible to becoming rapists because these places reinforce predatory behavior. It’s called “rape culture” not “men are born rapists” for a reason.
Survivors of rape have their lives ruined and we often serve them no justice. Yet, it’s important to acknowledge that we culturally take part in creating rapists themselves. Yes, we turn our loved ones into rapists when we condone, trivialize, victim-blame, and ultimately normalize rape with all that dumb “boys will be boys” and “she was asking for it” shit because anyone is susceptible to believing that stuff is true when it is how reality is presented to them. Moreover, we often don’t acknowledge that men who are raped either by other men or women are ridiculed for being “too weak” to defend themselves which very much has to do with the idea that men must be “strong.” I cannot emphasize enough that so much of this could be prevented. If men and women collectively began to understand gender, rape, sexism and misogyny so much pain could be avoided.
We need to stop turning men into rapists and women into victims.
3.) Getting Laid Will Be Easier For Everyone: Could you imagine a world where women didn’t constantly have to gauge whether or not a man at a bar is going to hurt her? Where men didn’t have to constantly be rejected? Where women didn’t feel pressure to be pretty and men to be wealthy? Where short men dated tall women? Where we didn’t live in fear of the opposite sex or in fear of what our gender might think of us? Things would be so much easier, especially getting laid. Our facades would diminish. Men could approach women on the street without women being scared because if she wasn’t into the conversation the man would politely go away instead of trying to convince her he is worth her time. In a world where men are less aggressive, women can be more open to them. In a world where there is less violence against women, men are less likely to be dismissed as creeps when they may not be. Men will be taught to be less creepy. People’s intentions can be more honest. People won’t have to be labeled. People will get laid more.
4.) No More Slut-Shaming Equals Lots More Boning And Freaky-Deaky Sex: Do I need to explain this? When we disassociate shame from sex then shit will get a lot kinkier and everyone will be having lots more of it. When we feel guilty about sex things get dramatic at best and dangerous at worst.
5.) Our Egos Can Calm The Fuck Down: If men are guilty of reducing women to their conventional attractiveness then some women are just as guilty of reducing men to their bank accounts. When we stop associating character traits, success and beauty standards with gender then things will be a lot less vapid and complicated. Men won’t feel like they have to be ambitious when so many of them are not. Women won’t feel guilty for sacrificing time with their children for work. Things will balance themselves out as individuals become more balanced. The only way to be a well-adjusted person is to get rid of all of those silly hangups and just be you. When this happens politics will follow which means men will get paternity leave along with their wives when they are expecting and the law won’t arbitrarily side with mothers in custody cases. Things will even themselves out. We will even ourselves out.
So many of our problems could be resolved with a little patience and understanding. Let’s not leave it up to hashtags and movements, let’s just be better.
How Feminism Will Help Men And Make Hooking Up Easier
