For the last, I don’t know, 24 weeks I’ve been sitting here talking about how wonderful and strong women are. I’ve also been talking about how much guys suck. But, full disclosure, women suck, too. Or I suck, anyway. Sometimes we’re our own worst enemies. Before Stephen and my new-found sense of Boldness, before I was dropping truth bombs on the reg, I was just some stupid junior in college who was hooking up with a boy that didn’t like me very much.
I don’t really know why I liked him so much, except for that he didn’t like me. I think the further he pushed me away the more I liked him. But I always knew in the back of my head that he didn’t like me that much. However, that didn’t stop him from making sure I wasn’t hooking up with other guys when I went to Panama City for Spring Break or other slightly jealous sounding texts. It was all very confusing. He had made it very clear we were friends with benefits, or something to that effect. We were not dating. He was too emotionally stunted to date, he said.
Well, to me that means I was single. Right? You tell me repeatedly we’re not together, so I’m single. And then I turned 21. I’m not 100 percent sure how it all happened but waking up in his best friend’s room was probably not what either of us had in mind. At first, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I gathered my things and walked to work. I was most likely still drunk. It wasn’t until a few hours later that it hit me. I quickly grabbed my phone and sent a text to my friend, the one I had woken up with. Had he told anyone? He did.
Although the boy I really wanted to be with didn’t seem hurt or phased by what happened, it changed things. It felt different and it effectively ended whatever was happening with him. And it kind of sucked. And I felt..dirty. Oh, a boy didn’t like me so I’m going to go make out with his friend? Tacky. And I should have known better. It’s been two years, I’m 23. It’s still awkward to be around this first boy, for a number of reasons, but I know in my head it wasn’t all him that ruined whatever. I mean, even if he did like me a little, would he still knowing I hooked up with is best friend? I don’t blame him.
Sometimes, I look back on this situation and laugh. I sometimes think everyone got what they deserved. But revenge sex? Come on, we’re all better than that.

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Molly is a senior journalism/English major at a school you haven’t heard of in a state you haven’t heard of. She’s obsessed with Chandler Bing, English bulldogs, and cheese. Follow her on twitter @mollymahannah, or check out her website accordingtomolly.com.