We start looking for the perfect college junior year of high school. We want to go to the perfect school, where we can become our more perfect selves and begin our perfect lives. Now that we’ve attended college and have gotten that disappointment out of the way, we must ponder the more important question: which fictional TV college would I have gone to if I were a TV character? I’ve compiled a list of the 10 most interesting faux universities on TV, use this manifesto to guide your future Netflix binge or discover who you really are. I mean, who are you, really? *Raises eyebrow* Hmmmm.
The Angsty Grunge College: University of New York (Felicity)
You Are: Wistfully hopeful, believe in true love, yet incredibly angsty about it. Your intelligence makes you overzealous and sometimes annoying. Like, so annoying, the way you picked your college to follow some basic boy who barely noticed you in high school.
Student Life: The typical U of NY student spends much of her time pining over sensitive, English majors and existential crises. Perhaps the students at U of NY are so downtrodden because of the poor lighting and dingy-ass dorm rooms.
Admissions Requirements: 3.75 GPA, 17 large sweaters in muted colors, subway map, Clorox wipes, condoms
The Promiscuous University: Unspecified Super Horny Campus (Undressed)
You Are: Horny for Ds, Vs and anything in-betweens. Possibly even a virgin.
Student Life: Experimental is the name of the game. The typical Horny U student spends much of their time engaging in orgies, threesomes, exploring the limitless possibilities of gender and sexual fluidity. When they’re not engaging in unconventional sexual relationships which are both enlightening and confusing, they can be found masturbating on the quad.
Admissions Requirement: 1.0 GPA, lube, condoms, birth control, diaphragm, dental dam, new sheets, dignity
The Thoughtful Historically Black College: Hillman College (A Different World)
You Are: Contemplative, progressive and interested American politics, intersectionalism and collectivity. You might be sassy too.
Student Life: Hillman student life is both invigorating and educational. One day you might be learning about the African Diaspora or Persian Gulf War, and the next you might be engaging in some Kappa Lambda Nu fraternity and Alpha Delta Rho sorority antics.
Admissions Requirements: 3.75 GPA, vibrant outfits, impeccable hair, open mind, Tupac’s discography, I Know Why The Cage Bird Sings, the works of James Baldwin, Yeezus
The Wackiness Ensues College: University of Northeastern California (Undeclared)
You Are: Seth Rogen
Student Life: Chilling with Seth Rogen, the hot guy from Sons of Anarchy and Jason Segal (but only sometimes).
Admissions Requirements: 2.5 GPA, weed, really good weed, beanies, tattoo choker necklace, Emojis
The Coming of Age University: Pennbrook (Boy Meets World)
You Are: Feeling like life has limitless possibilities, yet life can still get you down. You want a close group of friends you can depend on to help you navigate life.
Student Life: Lounging around in the student lounge and hatching hair-brained schemes.
Admissions Requirement: 0.0 GPA or a ham sandwich if Eric Matthews got in, everyone you know from middle school must attend with you including all pertinent teachers, undapants
The Slackers University: California University (Saved By The Bell)
You Are: Really good looking but maybe kind of dumb.
Student Life: The California University student can be found—is nowhere to be found. Must be out goofing around and boning peeps. Good thing classes literally don’t even exist.
Admissions Requirements: Good head of hair, good face, nice abs, ability to break the fourth wall
The Demonically Possessed University: UC Sunnydale (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)
You Are: The Chosen One
Student Life: UC Sunnydale students enjoy a wide variety of activities from demon killing, vampire slaying and spell conjuring to musicals, timeless love affairs and resurrection!
Admissions Requirements: Martial arts expertise, knowledge of contemporary pop culture, love of fan fiction
The Greek Obsessed College: Cypress-Rhodes University (Greek)
You Are: Interested in pledging a sorority or a fraternity.
Student Life: The Greek-driven lifestyle at Cypress-Rhodes University requires all basic bitches (pictured above in pink track suits) to man the fuck up and REPRESENT.
Admissions Requirements: 2.0 GPA, basicness, competitive attitude, cocktail dress, Ugg boots, solo cups, beer pong table, condoms
The Literally Anything Can Happen College: Glendale Community College (Community)
You Are: At a crossroads in life. You could continue doing what you’re doing, which is pretty much nothing, or you can get your shit together and get a degree so that when people ask you if you are smart, you have a semblance of proof. Perhaps conventional learning tools have failed you, maybe you got more out of building an elaborate pillow fort or marathoning Doctor Who than you ever did in classroom.
Student Life: The Glendale Community College student experiences a rich cultural experience. The study groups at Glendale are anything but typical and utilize interesting and, often, questionable, pedagogical techniques to teach students about the important of friendship, diveristy and community. Students can be found slaughtering zombies, engaging in elaborate pinball fights, playing Dungeons and Dragons or doing drugs.
Admissions Requirements: No previous education required, elaborate costumes, health insurance, shamelessness
The Work-Not-Study College: The University of Los Angeles (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
You Are: Looking for a way to say you went to college without ever having to go there or really do anything involving books or learning.
Student Life: Basically just working at the ULA Peacock Shop or being a mascot. I guess . . .
Admissions Requirement: Swag.
