It may seem a little bizarre, but sometimes saying affirming words to a friend who’s feeling down isn’t always the best course of action to take when cheering him or her up. Think about it. She’s in college, there’s plenty of potential scenarios she has to be down in the dumps over — failing classes, financial burdens, sleep deprivation, social disasters — and the last thing she wants to hear is that things are better than they are. She wants acknowledgement that her current situation sucks. And you can’t blamer her, because you’ve felt like that too.
A study published in the July issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology is saying that people with low self-esteems don’t want to hear affirmations and want be seen how they see themselves. In fact, positivity may alienate them and cause further damage. You and the people around don’t need to have low self-esteem to feel similarly.
When you break it down, telling them that things aren’t as bad as they think they are seems dismissive even though you have pure intentions. Your friend will reevaluate the situation but spin it so that they’ll feel stupid for feeling that way about a situation that “could be much worse.” You’re words have had a reverse affect and now you feel lousy for not helping.
It’s interesting reverse psychology that will definitely have you rethinking how to deal with someone feeling negatively about themselves and their life. Coming up with something to say and not wanting to agree with self-deprecating statements is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. In this case being a silent shoulder to cry is a safe way to deal with friends who have this kind of disposition.
What do you think? Let us know in the comment section below!
Food For Thought: Cheering Up Your Friends May Not Be The Best Thing To Do
