I believe in the deepest depths of my heart that every woman has, or will, wake up in the bed of someone with the immense feeling of, “Crap. Now what?” It’s not always that you’ve slept with this person, maybe you kissed and did some hand stuff and then fell asleep when he got up to get a glass of water. Maybe you just passed out and cuddled. Maybe you went all the way and then some and you feel really gross. Whatever it is that happened, you were uncomfortable in the morning. My usual reaction to waking up where I didn’t mean to fall asleep is to gather as much of my stuff as I can carry and bolt out the door before anyone wakes up. Although this may not be the best, or most mature, strategy, it’s a hell of a lot easier to explain via text that you had to work early than to deal with the next morning awkwardness. Even if you do have the unfortunate experience of “morning after” surface conversations, make an excuse to leave. Get the heck out of dodge. You do not want to be the girl that he tells his friends, “She was cool and everything but she just can’t take the hint.” You’ve got to leave a bit of mystery on the table. Also, don’t be Kristen Wiig from Bridesmaids. You know the scene I’m talking about? Right at the beginning of the movie after her sleepover with John Hamm, she kind of goes to the bathroom and primps before casually lying back down on the bed like, “Oh, I totally woke up like this.” Leaving before he wakes up kind of nips that possibility in the bud. Also, don’t waste your morning stressing. I don’t know what you did with the boy you stayed the night with, frankly I don’t care. Neither should you. I mean, obviously, if you’re concerned about a birth control failure or you can’t remember whether or not you had sex you should definitely err on the side of caution and do whatever you need to do to feel better and go grab that morning after pill. But if you do remember what you did and you just feel kind of, well, slutty about it, knock if off right now. Molly, you’ll wine to me, I don’t do this. I’m not “that kind of girl.” What kind of girl? The kind of girl that sleeps with a boy from the bar? Well, you did sleep with the boy, so you must be. I’m not calling you a slut, in fact I feel the opposite. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a casual hook up every once in a while. Let me repeat: there is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with a casual hook up every once in a while. Guys get to do it all the time. Some guys use Tinder as a personal cesspool of sexual conquests and everyone laughs and playfully calls them gross. The girls they meet on Tinder? They must be sluts. No. Sorry but no. Whether you’re a guy or a girl, if you’re single you have every right to get a little crazy on Thirsty Thursday. So if the guilt your feeling after your one night stand is because you feel “dirty” for fooling around with a guy, knock it off right now. Own your self confidence, and if you never want to do it again you don’t have to.
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Molly is a senior journalism/English major at a school you haven’t heard of in a state you haven’t heard of. She’s obsessed with Chandler Bing, English bulldogs, and cheese. Follow her on twitter @mollymahannah, or check out her website accordingtomolly.com.