The Virgin Diaries: What Type of Virgin Are You?

So I’m sitting on my couch watching my favorite Monday night show on MTV (it’s Teen Wolf…don’t judge me) when it’s interrupted by one of MTV’s many commercial breaks. Usually I zone them out, because I don’t really give a damn about who lost Carter and how they follow the yellow brick road to find her, but my ear perks up when I hear something other than Finding Waldo.
It was a new documentary style series called Virgin Territory about a few kids maneuvering their sexless lives in front of a camera. My first reaction was, “This is really on TV?” But as the commercial continued I decided it was interesting enough and to give it a shot, besides MTV has a good record with “docu-series” in my book. I can watch 16 & Pregnant all day!
But to be honest, I’m concerned with how these people are going to be represented on the show. Think about all the virgins you’ve seen on a screen. They’re either pining for someone’s affection like a horny dog or trying to kill themselves. This could get cringe worthy. But seeing as these are real people, Virgin Territory can actually make for good TV.
Just like everything else in this world, most virgins won’t fit the mold of their stereotype, but you’ll typically come across three different kinds in your life journey.
The first are the “Sanctified Virgins.” These guys (because guys keep their virginities too, a la the Jonas brothers circa 2007) and gals who have pledged to save themselves for their future spouses for spiritual reasons. Don’t be fooled into thinking that all Sanctifieds are holier than thou by the crosses on their chests. There are plenty who are only saving the kitty cat for their spouses and do everything except penetration. Have you heard the theory that the holy grail is a vagina? I’m going to sip my iced tea and guess that that’s explanation enough.
Next are the “Born Again Virgins” who have tried having sex, but for whatever reason stopped and the deed was never completed. They act like it never happened, usually because the encounter was so embarrassing that it’s better to just repress the memory. I don’t blame them. Why waste a body count when you didn’t get the full experience?
Finally there are the “Have Nots”, whom others would call the goodie-two-shoes, the good girls and the lames of the world, but these names have connotations to them that aren’t necessarily true. These people simply have not had sex yet. Yes, it’s true that some of the Have Nots get squeamish at anything that makes their hearts beat a pace faster than normal and some are tucking their shirts into the underwear that their moms have scribbled their names into just in case they get lost…because underwear always gets lost. But not all of us are like that, so there’s no need for name calling.
Yes, CC readers, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I am a virgin — of the Have Not species to be specific. I am also a regular visitor of the Twilight Zone, because the only thing stranger than seeing my senior year of college go by as a sexually inexperienced* 21 year-old is the other worldly encounters my sexual status puts me in. Since I’m not on MTV, I’ll write about them instead.
Welcome to my virgin diary.
*When I say I have no experience, I mean none/zip/zero/zilch other than some making out and a little dry humping…but even that’s few and far between. My entire life has been a dry spell. Thank God I can laugh at it.

The Revamped Juicy Couture is Actually Really Stinkin' Cute!
The Revamped Juicy Couture is Actually Really Stinkin' Cute!
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